Wednesday, April 30, 2008

I've been a little Lost lately

Over the past weekend, we watched no less than twelve episodes of Lost, finishing season one and starting on season 2. It contributed to a very uneventful, unproductive, and scary-dream filled weekend. I had that stupid number sequence filtering through my head in my sleep and actually had to look up future plotlines on the internet so that I wouldn't be so completely obsessed over the show. Fortunately, I was able to get out of the house and away from my whiny 2-year old for a girls' night out with Michal on Saturday. I'm glad to be out of the dark living room and actually doing things like loading the dishwasher again and getting dressed daily. Today is day 8 of potty training and I have to say, progress is reeeeeeeeally slow, but I think there is progress nonetheless. I've called mom probably 6 times this week for tips and she gives me a little nudge of encouragement each day when I feel like quitting.

For the past few months, I haven't felt like doing anything: reading, blogging, eating, cooking, cleaning, stamping, getting dressed, praying, even reading email. Nothing. I've only changed diapers. Really. I can tell that I'm on the downhill end of this because yesterday I found myself singing in the shower! And when I was in Washington, I actually read a book cover to cover just for fun. Then I got home and started on another one. I'm finally smiling at my baby again. Yesterday I spent the afternoon enjoying some long-awaited sunshine while Leah played in the sandbox, then we jumped on the neighbor's trampoline and spied on the horses in the field behind us; safely fenced in and with access to sand, grass, jumping, and horses? Our extended backyard is truly the best of all possible worlds! Then I watched American Idol and voted for David Cook and Syesha. (Didn't you?)

Anyway, all I'm saying is that I've in general been a little bit lost--in more ways than one--for quite a while now, and I think I'm finally coming out of it thanks to therapy and medication. So that's were I've been: the impossible, high-walled, dark-pitted throes of depression. There. I said it. I still have a long way to go, but I'm glad to finally start feeling a little bit more like myself again.


Rebecca said...

I'm so sorry you are going through that, dear! I'm glad you sought help: you don't have to go through things alone. And best of luck with the ongoing potty training (I have no pointers to help on that...)

Nielsen Mania said...

Amen to that! I can COMPLETELY understand what you are going through, and if YOU have any pointers on the potty-training thing, let me know! Lily just thinks the potty is another chair to just sit on... At least it's nice to know that "crazy" is not so crazy anymore. *sigh*

Hollie said...

Jenny, now I don't feel so bad that I cried for about an hour this morning for no apparent reason. (I think pregnancy has a big deal to do with it) but I'm feeling the blues too. Glad you got out away from the kids. Enjoy Lost, it will make you so frustrated you want to scream.

Nancy Sabina said...

Ahhh, potty training. I think a daily call to Mom while potty training is absolutely necessary. Who else can help you feel better and give such insightful advice? I'll tell you what my mom told me that was my daily manta while PTing: "no child ever went to first grade in diapers". Meaning, it'll happen eventually. Just keep working at it.
And I guess you could say the same for depression. I've had some experience in that myself and I know it comes to an end eventually - especially when helped by medication and therapy. God bless.

The Stiles Family said...

I've been fighting back depression lately, too. I had it really bad (and I mean REALLY bad, before I met Craig. But once you get it, it's like a disease - you can put it into remission, but there is always the chance of it coming back.

Good luck on the PT! Cameron, who is now 3 1/2, has ZERO interest in the potty. Makes me want to bang my head on a wall!