Missing Earring, Answered Prayer

Two prayers answered with one earring.

Since before Christmas, I have been looking for the missing half to my favorite set of earrings. Raking the rug under the bed, peering under dressers and behind cabinets with a flash light, (even sifting through the contents of the vacuum bag--so gross). A week ago I offered a timid, half-hearted plea to the Lord to help me with this tiny thing. I know it's just an earring, but its obviously important to me so I thought that since I have faith in prayer, maybe the Lord could help me find it.

And today a coin slid off my dresser and landed in an open drawer, which inspired a stroke of genious to empty all of the drawers and find my earring hidden among Chris's socks! It was such a Happy Moment! 

And That was the answer to the full-hearted, pleading, helpless prayer I gave just last night in a place of utter despair and hopelessness, when I pleaded with the Lord to let me have just one glimmer of Joy on Wednesday.

My Joy didn't come until 10pm, and when it came, it was in the form of another answered, albeit forgotten, prayer.

Its not business, its personal

I used to think about my depression this way:

"I'm depressed and miserable. I'm barely functioning. I feel sorry for myself and I want everyone else to feel sorry for me too. I want everyone (in my family, friends and church community) to notice how low I am and to see that I'm drowning.  No one else has ever been this low.  I'm the only one going through this so it's a big deal and there's no way I can do this without someone rescuing me. Everyone should know that I need help without me saying so, and I want those people to swoop in and take care of me. Take over my responsibilities.  They should take care of me and coddle me because I am too debilitated by this depression to do it by myself and I'm definitely too proud to ask for help."  

Or something like that.

I've had this mentality for at least 12 years.

I've always placed great importance on my relationships with people around me. Will they notice when I'm struggling and help me without me having to ask?  Will they notice when I'm happy?  Will they confide in me and trust me?  Do they want me around?  And I often come away feeling just as disconnected and unsure of myself as I was before.  There was (usually) never an amazing connection and no one seemed to want to know the deep desires of my heart. No one was going to tear down the walls that guard my most vulnerable thoughts.

I'm working on a new mentality. A few unrelated events and conversations all happened at about the same time, and it gave me an epiphany and a new way to think. Here goes.

The first instance was when we ran into a family that we know at a restaurant.  We hadn't seen them in about six months, which was when we attended the funeral of their four year old daughter who had just succumbed to cancer. 

In the spirit of friendship and to gauge whether it was okay to talk about their loss, I simply asked how their family was doing.  To my surprise Brian began energetically and unreservedly telling me about how hard its been and how much they miss their daughter. He cried as he talked about what it would be like to have the holidays without her. He seemed at peace with her death and remarked on the irony of one life ending and another beginning, referring to his wife's surprise pregnancy.  He shared his firm belief that their family is eternal and they would see their daughter again. Now we were both crying. I apologized for bringing up such a sensitive topic, but what Brian said next was eye opening to me. 

He said that sometimes people ask him how he's doing but they don't really want to know. They just expect a one word answer and then they move on. But when people ask Brian that, he tells them. He tells them if it was a good day or if it was a bad day and that they missed their daughter a lot and cried a lot. And the other person turns out to be genuinely interested.  Brian would have told them this painful and deeply personal thing, and then they would turn around and tell him some deeply personal thing that they're going through. Brian was surprised to find out that other people wanted to open up about their loss and heartache too.  Now he and this person-who he only knew superficially until just then-they've just had an amazing conversation talking about the really hard  things they're both going though.  They've just connected on an emotional and personal level and cried together. Everyone has hard stuff that they're going through and even though his is different from theirs, they now have in common that they can talk to each other about it and feel sorrow together.

You have to be personal with someone  in order to connect with them. And you have to connect with that person in order for your relationship to be meaningful and satisfying.

I definitely want meaningful and satisfying relationships.

The next epiphany came from my two year old daughter. Since a quick visit from my sister's family a few months ago, my daughter always asks about her  little cousin, "Where's Caroline?"  In the car, at the store, at bedtime, "Where's Caroline?"  I would look at the clock and try to imagine what they would be doing in Illinois when its 7:30. "She's probably getting ready for bed" I'd say.

And then one morning at breakfast Audrey prayed that we could play at Leslie's house today.

Well it hit me: these are opportunities to connect with people too. I can call my sister and tell her that Audrey thinks about her sweet little cousin every day!  I can call my friend and tell her that Audrey wants to play with Leslie and we should get together soon. That paves the way for more personal communication.

The third thing is that my parents are leaving the country this week for a two year church service mission in Nicaragua.  Two years.  Aside from my husband, my mom is the top number that I call on my phone. On my way to work, at the store, for cooking tips, for sewing tips, for parenting tips, to vent about husbands, to cry about potty training, and again to celebrate potty training success, you name it. I pretty much call my mom about everything. And now she will be away for two whole years and I will only get to talk to her once a week for maybe a few minutes at a time.

I thought about writing in a journal every time I wish I could call mom. I considered that I could send her emails whenever a thought came up I wanted to discuss with her(several per day),  but then I realized that with her being away and less reachable, this is a good opportunity for me to reach out to the people around me for help and friendship and connection. My sister, Leslie's mom, Brian's family, my best friend who lives too far away, people in my circle who have heartache they want to share with other people and together lighten the burden a little.

So my new way of thinking goes something like this:

I am not unique in my depression. I am not the only one going through something that seems impossible to overcome.  And no one is going to take care of me simply because I feel sorry for myself. There is no shame in asking for help. Asking for help will give someone the chance to serve me.  No one can read my mind and know I need help unless I tell them.  Everyone around me has a story, and we all want to share them and mourn together, comfort together, cry together. Because when we can truly connect to each other by sharing our heartaches, then we will find our relationships are more meaningful and satisfying and we will put down our walls and forget about feeling vulnerable and instead we will genuinely laugh together and cry together and love together and celebrate joy.

Mosiah 18:8-10 summarizes my thoughts, and adds that as we serve and comfort and mourn with one another, we are witnessing of Christ, serving the Lord, and will have his Spirit poured out upon us.

It says:   [...] And now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort [...] Now I say unto you, if this be the desire of your hearts, what have you against being [...] a witness before [the Lord], that ye have entered into a covenant with him, that ye will serve him and keep his commandments, that he may pour out his Spirit more abundantly upon you?

So in the process of forgetting about myself and reaching out to others in friendship and compassion, I hope to put my depression in the past.  A fortunate side effect will hopefully be a closer relationship with the Savior and a better connection to the Spirit, which some would suggest might have been the problem and solution from the beginning.

Faith

Leah, age 6

"We no chat Jesis is reell"

Translation: "We know that Jesus is real."

Audrey's Baby Blessing

Audrey was given a priesthood blessing by her dad in church on Sunday, July 3. One of my favorite parts of the blessing was when Chris blessed her to be "physically and spiritually triumphant." It was a special day for all of us! We were very blessed to have family and friends join us for the occasion: Grandpa and Grandma, the Stansfields, the Coombs, Aunt Sue and Uncle Jess, Aunt Janet and Uncle Grant. Audrey was so beautiful in the little green dress that I wore for my baby blessing nearly 28 years ago. (Can you tell who is who?)

The Unbroken Circle

January 1, 2011, American Fork Hospital, Utah

Grandma had suffered mutli-organ failure, including damage to her lungs, heart, liver and kidneys. She was on a ventilator, which was forcing air into her lungs, and she was sedated so as not to choke or gag on the tubes. There was existing damage to her lungs from previous bouts of blood clots, and the other organ damage was due to reduced oxygen levels and a suspected virus. After receiving a priesthood blessing from Uncle Bill, the tubes were removed at about 2:45pm. Once the tubes were removed, she was able to breathe independently, and her oxygen level was remarkably high, although her blood pressure was very low, about 40 over 30. I think that would make anyone pass out; Grandma did not wake up at this point.

She seemed to sleep very peacefully, although her legs were jumpy as always, and she sneezed a lot. Gradually, her breathing rate decreased until after a while, there was no longer a blood pressure reading, and she stopped taking breaths. It was evident at this point that her face was no longer pink with life. It was about 4:00pm when the nurses turned off the monitors. I don't think we noticed the actual moment that she died, it was so gradual and peaceful.

During the hours that we sat with Grandma (my Aunt/Uncles and cousins), we looked at pictures of her as a young child and a young woman, we told stories, and sang hymns. We kept inviting her to set the record straight if we messed up any of the facts. I even offered to change my hair back to blond if only she would make her dying wish known, but she did not respond. The last hymn we sang was “Abide with me, Tis Eventide”.

We did a tally of how many there are in her progeny. There are 6 kids, 26 grandkids, and 49 great-grandkids, with 4 on the way. She came to Utah to spend Christmas with my Aunt Sue in Lehi, and was beating everyone at cards, shopping my cousin into the ground, playing with her new iPod until the very end. She was blessed to go quickly, without pain and prolonged suffering. That is a pretty good way to go.

When she was a young mom, she had a major illness during which she had a near death experience, viewing her body from above, conversing with the Savior and her daddy, and at that time asked to stay on earth and raise her children and finish her earthly mission. That she did indeed. I can imagine a similar greeting for her this time, only having completed a good and faithful earthly mission, she is rejoicing in going home to her parents, her husband, her infant daughter, and the hundreds of ancestors she's done temple work for over the years.

January 7, 2011, Plano/Dallas, Texas

Today was Grandma's funeral. It was a beautiful service. The flowers were beautiful. The people were beautiful. The music was beautiful. All of her children spoke and the granddaughters sang "I know that my redeemer lives." Funerals are always bittersweet, because of course we will miss our dear Grandmother, but we are happy that she can go home, she is released from her failing mortal body, she can be with loved ones on the other side, and we have the vital knowledge of eternal families and the resurrection.

Grandma was a friend to everyone. She was a missionary. She was always optimistic. She was a storyteller. She was adventerous. She was a go-getter and a problem solver and a giver and an entrepreneur. She never quit. She was beloved.

She has now taken her much anticipated and well deserved place in the family circle that exists around the glorious heavenly throne. There is a place for all of us in that circle. It was Grandma's wish that "God be with you 'till we meet again," for we will in fact meet again. And we will form an unbroken circle around the throne of glory.

Grandma would sign off "Keep Prayed Up."

Pictured Below

1: Elizabeth and I in our graduation robes in '05. One of the many times Grandma bounced right out of the hospital.

2/3: Benac Reunion in Park City, Utah, July 2006.

4: Grandma, Rebecca and Paul visiting my home in Provo in December '08.

Fun with Photoshop

Here is a little something I've been working on this week.

I was given the assignment to make invitations for Young Women in Excellence, and this is what I came up with! I think I will print the text on cardstock, and the torch and flames on vellum so that it can overlay the writing. I haven't tried it out yet, so I'm not sure how it will look, but its worth a shot.

On callings and stealing

I got a calling today! I haven't had a calling since I was released as RS President in our last ward in November. Thankfully, I'm not RS Pres, and this is my first calling ever that is not in the Relief Society at all, and contrary to my biggest worries, it is not in Primary or Nursery either. I am the new Mia Maid Advisor! I am so excited to work with the Young Women (and maybe go to Girls' Camp next year, hence my post last week...)

Anyway, here is a talk I gave in May in our new ward on Virtue. I should have known it would get me a calling in the Young Women! (There is a particularly funny part about accidentally stealing a skirt, below with the **stars** , it could be a post all its own...)

----

It hasn’t yet been ten years since I graduated from the Young Women’s program, but in that time two significant additions have been made to the Young Women’s theme. First to be added was the statement that we are preparing to “strengthen home and family” and the second and fairly recent is the addition of the eighth value, Virtue. It now reads:

'We are daughters of our Heavenly Father, who loves us, and we love Him. We will "stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places" (Mosiah 18:9) as we strive to live the Young Women values, which are: Faith, Divine Nature, Individual Worth, Knowledge, Choice and Accountability, Good Works, Integrity and Virtue.We believe as we come to accept and act upon these values, we will be prepared to strengthen home and family, make and keep sacred covenants, receive the ordinances of the temple, and enjoy the blessings of exaltation.'

It comes as no surprise to me that being prepared to strengthen home and family is something that requires virtue.

When I was given the subject of my talk for today, I knew immediately that the most recent General Young Women’s meeting would have been about virtue, having just added virtue as a Young Women value. The addresses from that meeting and from Sister Dalton’s address last October are the source of my talk. And while virtue is often something we think of only in the context of young women preparing for marriage, I hope today to discuss the quality as it relates to your life, man or woman, young or old.

'Virtue “is a pattern of thought and behavior based on high moral standards.” (Preach My Gospel (2004), 118) It encompasses chastity and moral purity. Virtue begins in the heart and in the mind. It is nurtured in the home. It is the accumulation of thousands of small decisions and actions. Virtue is a word we don’t hear often in today’s society, but the Latin root word virtus means strength. Virtuous women and men possess a quiet dignity and inner strength. They are confident because they are worthy to receive and be guided by the Holy Ghost.[i]'

It would not be possible to list comprehensively the influences that surround us requiring special attention to the value of Virtue. You know what they are. You know what you see and hear every day—around every corner. When you turn on the TV or the radio, do an internet search, peruse the magazine covers in the checkout line, watch a movie. There are so many things that represent low or no moral standards.

The Destroyer seeks to take advantage of this time in what Spencer W Kimball described as this, the great day of his power,[ii] so as covenant people, with the knowledge of the true and restored gospel of Jesus Christ, we are held to an even higher standard of righteousness. We must strive daily to exemplify virtuous attributes.

'What does it mean to return to virtue? We are calling for a return to moral purity and chastity. Virtue is purity. Virtue is chastity. The word virtue has also been defined as “integrity and moral excellence, power and strength” (Guide to the Scriptures, “Virtue,” at scriptures.lds.org; see also Luke 8:46). The core of a virtuous life is sexual purity, and yet this definition has almost been erased by the world. The prophet Mormon taught that chastity and virtue are “most dear and precious above all things” (Moroni 9:9). They go together. You cannot have one without the other, and “we believe in being … virtuous” (Articles of Faith 1:13).[iii]'

And let me add to that list that the price of a virtuous woman is far above rubies. Prov. 31: 10

'Virtue brings peace, strength of character, and happiness in this life. Our Heavenly Father knew that we would be faced with many choices and challenges, and virtuous living would prepare us to succeed.[iv]'

Purity. Chastity. Integrity. Moral excellence. Let me add to that Truth. These are high moral standards from which we must pattern our thoughts and behaviors.

As parents and leaders, it is our responsibility to teach children and youth the standards required for a virtuous life. Let us teach them how to identify righteous thoughts and behaviors and translate them into daily patterns, and ultimately a lifestyle of virtuous living. And let us be an example to them. Let us show them line upon line and precept upon precept.

Moral Purity. I’ll turn to the account of Joseph of Egypt and his encounter with Potiphar’s wife. Day by day, she cast her eyes upon Joseph and begged him to lie with her. Joseph knew it would be wickedness and a sin against God to do so, and he continually refused. Her last attempt to seduce him went like this: “12 And she caught him by his garment, saying, Lie with me: and he left his garment in her hand, and fled, and got him out.” (Genesis 39) I will never forget my 6am Seminary teacher’s animation as she demonstrated what it would be like to "get you out" of this type of situation.

I use this example to show that Joseph understood the moral values of virtue and chastity. He had been taught right principles, and it had become a pattern of living for him. Having already established the pattern of virtuous living, Joseph instinctively knew what the right choice would be when Potiphar’s wife was standing at the door luring him in.

Let me share a few personal examples of how certain standards were taught to me and how making them a pattern has blessed my life and given me strength.

When we were old enough to count to ten, my Dad started giving my siblings and me an allowance of ten pennies per week. It was in order to teach us the principle of tithing.
(1) I was taught the standard.
(2) It became a pattern.
(3) I always remember the action that is to be taken in order to live this principle.

Because the pattern is already established, there is never any question about how many pennies out of each dollar will go to tithing. When the temptation comes to pocket that money, and it does, it is confidently dismissed, with the reassurance from the Holy Ghost that I’ve made the right choice.

It is in this way that we can establish patterns for ourselves and teach them to our children.

****Another example. This week I indulged in some shopping at the mall. I tried on a couple of things, tossing each item on top of the stroller as I went. Then I went to the register to make my purchase, had a friendly conversation with the cashier, and went my way, not realizing that I had waltzed right out of the store with two skirts still sitting on top of my stroller. An hour later, as I was heading to my car, I looked down in horror to see the skirts unpaid on the stroller. My blood ran cold. The kids were tired and hungry and we were on the other side of the mall and so I sighed “What a pain” but there had been no question in my mind that they should be returned immediately and with a profuse apology. I am so glad that I had already established the pattern of honesty years before, so that in moments like this there would be no question as to the action that I should take.

It is in the moment of truth, in the moment of a test, that we act upon that knowledge we have and upon the standards that we wish to live. It begins with daily effort.

Elder Bednar said, “Small, steady, incremental spiritual improvements are the steps the Lord would have us take. Preparing to walk guiltless before God is one of the primary purposes of mortality and the pursuit of a lifetime; it does not result from sporadic spurts of intense spiritual activity.”[v]

Brothers and Sisters, choose now to establish good habits of prayer and scripture study and church attendance. Choose now to establish patterns of worship and temple worthiness. Choose now to establish patterns of chastity, honesty, integrity, and discipline. It is not too late. If you’ve gotten all the way to the parking lot, or all the way home, it is not too late to return the skirt. It’s not too late to walk out of an offensive movie. Or to dress modestly. It’s not too late to change your behavior towards another person, or to change the subject of conversation. It’s not too late. Choose today and every day what patterns you will establish so that in the moment of truth, you will have the Holy Spirit with you to guide you and strengthen you in making right choices.

Okay, the big question. What if you brought the skirt home and wore it out?

I turn to President Monson’s words: “If any has stumbled in [his or] her journey, there is a way back. The process is called repentance. Our Savior died to provide you and me that blessed gift. The path may be difficult, but the promise is real: “Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow.”6 “And I will remember [them] no more.”7”[vi]

'Remember, it is the cleansing power of the Atonement that makes it possible for us to be virtuous. We all make mistakes, but “because the Savior loves you and has given His life for you, you can repent. Repentance is an act of faith in Jesus Christ. … The Savior’s atoning sacrifice has made it possible for you to be forgiven of your sins. … Determine to partake worthily of the sacrament each week and fill your life with virtuous activities that will bring spiritual power. As you do this, you will grow stronger in your ability to resist temptation, keep the commandments [remain clean], and become more like Jesus Christ” (Young Women Personal Progress [insert, 2009], 3). [vii]'


Blessings of Living a Virtuous Life
When I was in high school, my parents had a spell of several years where on two separate occasions they were wrongfully accused, and another instance where they felt their prayers were not answered over a certain subject. It was a rough patch for them.

At times they felt alone. But they had not betrayed their standards or forgotten their covenants. Even though openly mocked and falsely accused, they knew they were in good standing with the Lord, and that the Lord trusted the decisions they would make. Through counseling with their Bishop, and through counseling with the Lord in prayer, they were reassured. It is by living virtuously day by day that we are able to withstand temptation and “the hail and mighty storm [that may] beat upon us”, (Helaman 5:12). It is then that our righteous patterns pull us through—we can receive the guidance of the Holy Ghost and strength and forgiveness from our Savior, Jesus Christ.

'As you climb, don’t allow yourself to descend into the willows. Stay high on the mountain. You are God’s precious daughters [and sons]! Because of the knowledge of our divine identity, everything must be different for us: our dress, our language, our priorities, and our focus. We must not seek guidance from the world, and if our true identity has been clouded by mistakes or sins, we can change. We can turn around and repent and return to virtue. We can climb above the willows. The Savior’s Atonement is for you and for me. He invites each of us to come unto Him.[ …] As you live a virtuous life, you will have the confidence, power, and strength necessary to climb. [ … ] As you grow and blossom, your personal purity will enable you to become a force for good and an influence for righteousness in the world. I truly believe that one virtuous young woman [or man], led by the Spirit, can change the world. [viii]'

[i] Elaine S. Dalton, “A Return to Virtue,” Ensign, Nov 2008, 78–80
[ii] Spencer W. Kimball, “The False Gods We Worship,” Tambuli, Aug 1977, 1
[iii] Elaine S. Dalton, “Come Let Us Go Up to the Mountain of the Lord,” Ensign, May 2009, 120–23
[iv] Mary N. Cook, “A Virtuous Life—Step by Step,” Ensign, May 2009, 117–19
[v] David A. Bednar, “Clean Hands and a Pure Heart,” Ensign, Nov 2007, 80-83
[vi] Thomas S. Monson, “May You Have Courage,” Ensign, May 2009, 123–27
[vii] Mary N. Cook, “A Virtuous Life—Step by Step,” Ensign, May 2009, 117–19
[viii] Elaine S. Dalton, “Come Let Us Go Up to the Mountain of the Lord,” Ensign, May 2009, 120–23

Supermoms! Unite for Sunday sanity!

Kids in sacrament meeting. How do you do it? We have a few rules, like no snacks or activities until after the Sacrament, and they must sit on our laps or on the bench quietly during hymns and prayers. Then they can color or play quietly. We downsized from a big bag of Sunday toys to one toy per kid because it was just getting out of hand. One week was so bad, we actually practiced 10 minutes of reverent time and pretended we were waiting for the sacrament at home a couple nights throughout the week--the following Sunday showed marked improvment. But after that, we were back to our old, crazy, impossible Sacrament struggle. (Do you like my alliteration?)

Here is my latest One-Hour project. It is a one player bing0 board and the task will be for Leah to listen in the meeting and put a Sunbeam on the image when she hears the word mentioned: music, Holy Ghost, Missionaries, prieshthood, etc. You get the idea.
If she were older, I would have used more pictures with more complex principles.

The project consisted of sleuthing out some photos that represent concepts simple enough for a three year old to understand and putting them on a grid chart I made in Word. Then I printed it and laminated it and adhered a sticky velcro dot to each square. Then I did the same with sunbeams, and voila! It took me about an hour, so I made two. I even made a little pocket on the back to store all the little sunbeams in. Tomorrow will be the true test of its effectiveness.
Project break down:

• 10' roll of adhesive laminate: $20 (I'm so glad I didn't buy that $60 laminator, because this stuff works just fine for my purposes)
• 75 sets of adhesive velcro dots: $8.
• Of course, it helps that we already have a really good printer.

I have lots of laminate and velcro left, of course, so I want to make one for you! Here's how to get one. I want to hear how you keep your kids occupied during Sacrament Meeting. What are the rules you have? Do you allow snacks and activities? What kinds? If not, why not, and what do you do instead to keep order?

I'll report back after we've tried my new Bing0 game for two Sundays (So, July 12), and then I will pick a random winner among the commentors and I will make you your own bing0 game (and I will even put your family picture on it instead of mine!).

Happy commenting!

Hereafter a brunette

Yesterday was a blissful and quiet day off. Chris stayed home with the kids, and even ventured off to the duck pond for some stale tortilla-feeding and giddy amuck-running. I, on the other hand, had a relaxing afternoon at the salon where, true to my word and in response to my husband's deepest wishes I transformed into a BRUNETTE! Then Michal and I went to the Conference Center in Salt Lake City where we were priviledged enough to attend the Relief Society General Meeting. It was so great to be in the presence of the Prophet and his apostles and the messages were truly inspiring. Plus, the company was great.

So....what do you think of my hair?

Wordle

Here is a wordle I just made using the text from The Family: A Proclamation to the World.

The Relief Society Declaration:

When I went to BYU, Part II

As a continuation to a previous post about what has changed at BYU in the past few years, it keeps changing!

Yesterday Chris took Leah on an outing on the BYU campus. She loves seeing all the buildings and statues, playing in the fountains, feeding the ducks, etc. And Chris loves showing her around our alma-mater and indoctrinating her at a young age to grow up to be a Cougar. He took a quick look at the newly built Commons at the Cannon Center. It is a brand new building, and apparently pretty impressive--I simply assumed it was an addition to the original Cannon Center where I literally flipped burgers and pizza dough at Cosmo's and Tomassito's, and where Chris served up food for hungry freshman and was a late-night janitor.

Today I drove past and saw that the original Cannon center was demolished...today! I could see in through its wounded walls at the chandeliers still hanging from the ceiling in the dining room! No doubt, Cosmo's is gone. This makes me just a little bit sad. I mean, how can I look from where I've been to how far I've come if where I've been isn't there anymore?

Other things that have changed in the past few months:

They finally tore down the KMB. This was the dance studio/History faculty building and home of the Smith Institute for LDS History. You had to leave the building and walk around the outside and up the steps to get to the other half of the building, and it was always way too hot in half of the rooms. It was about time. I guess if I'd spent a lot of time there, I would be sad to see it go, too, but I always just thought it was a really annoying building to try to find anything in. Apparently, they expanded the Richards Building (one of the athletic buildings) to make room for the offices that would be displaced by the KMB demolition, another change that has happened since I went to BYU.

The Tanner building is huge! It was just a square box with window stripes when I went there, and now there is a huge addition on the west side, plus a fancy underground parking garage to the north and new entrance from Bulldog. Wow. Here's a live feed with a view of the new addition.

B-77 was condemned many years ago and is finally being demolished in three stages. Lately, both side arms of the U-shaped building have been removed, the ground has been leveled, and a steel frame of a new building is under construction in their place. Does anybody know what they are building? My prediction would be that they are making a new home for IT services--a prediction based on my main project as a staff-member for OIT in 2006. They'd have to make a new building to move all the offices to before they could tear down all of B77, which would explain why some of it is still intact. Just a prediction. (The other uses for B77--early childhood education and the cooking and sewing labs were relocated when the JFSB was completed, which by the way was just in time for me to graduate). I wonder why I don't feel sad about losing B77 like I do about the Cannon Center? I probably spent just as much time there...

LDS Philanthropies has a fancy new building next to the B77 project. (Seen under construction in the above picture). Oh, and most of Deseret Towers have been demolished, but I don't think I ever set foot in one of them more than once. I think the Faculty Office Building is being torn down too.

What else has changed?

I have to admit that BYU's use of space is pretty impressive. They don't bother keeping old run-down buildings, and they consider the cost-effectiveness of new buildings versus maintaining really old buildings. And no department ever becomes homeless in the process. You gotta hand it to BYU for continuing to move forward--even though it means that I get left behind!

A new perspective

This is the general substance of the lesson I taught in Relief Society yesterday. As is usual, the teacher learned more than anyone else in the process.

Imagine that you are witnessing a terrible storm. Ominous black storm clouds are billowing across the sky, the wind is blowing, the trees are shaking, rain and hail are pounding in sideways, lightning streaks across the sky, thunder makes the building shake. There is no trace of sunlight or blue sky. Such an image brings to mind feelings of insecurity, possibly peril, and to the extent that I can’t see the end of the storm in any direction, a feeling of hopelessness.

A couple of weeks ago, I was on a flight from Chicago to Salt Lake City. Our plane had been delayed because of such a storm. Later, after we’d been in the air awhile, I looked out my window to notice that the storm wasn’t past, we were simply flying around it, and since we were at an altitude of 40,000 feet, we were also above it.

I saw perfectly blue atmosphere above us, just below us was sunny blue sky with a blanket of feather-white clouds, and one isolated, seemingly small black cloud alive with electricity. It was a towering, billowing, electrically charged storm cloud. I’m certain I know what it feels like (and sounds like) to be trembling inside a house when just such a storm passes over me. But from my window on the airplane, I was given a very different perspective than if I had been watching from a window on the ground.

Seeing the storm cloud from above was a truly awe-inspiring experience for me. I don’t know why it had never occurred to me before that moment that above every storm, however daunting it seems from the ground, is bright blue sky and a shining sun—a true constant.

Each of us faces individual and personal storms—whether it be as serious as sin or death, economic struggles, feelings of loneliness and depression, or the perceived expectation to be supermom (hehehe). Do we forget that there is shining sun and blue sky on the other side? Do we forget that our metaphorical “storms” are significant and purposeful when viewed from an eternal perspective? Do we lose track of what is most important and give in to despair? or do we draw upon the gospel of Jesus Christ for hope and strength?

Given our knowledge of the glorious gospel of Jesus Christ, we know there is purpose in our trials, and there is a way to if not overcome them, endure them in faith.

“We mortals have a limited view of life from the eternal perspective. But if we know and understand Heavenly Father’s plan, we realize that dealing with adversity is one of the chief ways we are tested. Our faith in our Heavenly Father and his beloved Son, Jesus Christ, is the source of inner strength. Through faith we can find peace, comfort, and the courage to endure. As we trust in God and his plan for our happiness with all our hearts and lean not unto our own understanding (see Prov. 3:5), hope is born. Hope grows out of faith and gives meaning and purpose to all we do. It can give us comfort in the face of adversity, strength in times of trial, and peace when we have reason for doubt or anguish.”

M. Russell Ballard, “Answers to Life’s Questions,” Ensign, May 1995, 22

How can we obtain an eternal perspective? In 2003, my mom was in charge of planning the Benac family reunion, which takes place every 3 years, and was gong to be held at Aspen Grove. In the registration process, you can prioritize the week you want your group to attend. She gave first priority for the week of the 4th of July, but our family was scheduled in early June, the first week of the camping season, and Mom’s very last choice. It was inconvenient for many and we considered this an unfortunate turn of events.

If we had had the luxury of the eternal perspective, we would have been grateful that we didn’t get what we wanted, for Grandpa’s health began to rapidly decline in the months before the reunion; the second week of June turned out to be his last week in health good enough to preside over a family reunion, and by the first week of July he was in a coma. He died on July 11. The Lord is mindful of us, and our “storms” are given to us for a reason, even though we may not understand or even know the eternal purposes for the things we are made to endure.

"Wherever you live on this earth and whatever your life’s situation may be, I testify to you that the gospel of Jesus Christ has the divine power to lift you to great heights from what appears at times to be an unbearable burden or weakness. The Lord knows your circumstances and your challenges. He said to Paul and to all of us, “My grace is sufficient for thee.” And like Paul we can answer: “My strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (2 Corinthians 12:9). As members of the Church of Jesus Christ, we may claim the blessings promised in the covenants and the ordinances we received when we accepted the gospel of Jesus Christ.”
Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “Have We Not Reason to Rejoice?,” Liahona, Nov 2007, 18–21

I am so grateful for my knowledge of the gospel of Jesus Christ and for a loving and constant Savior! We may not understand now, or next week, 50 years from now, or in this life at all why we are made to endure what we are, but there is a plan for each and every one of us--and just like the sun is always shining, so is the Son of God offering “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).

http://www.mormon.org/

To be as a little child

Okay, first off, lets put aside our list of things that little kids do that are naughty and that drive us crazy and that we work so hard at teaching them not to do. This post is about what I learned from my two and a half year old daughter and how she is an example to me. Remember that Christ commanded us to become as a little child:

"And again I say unto you, ye must repent, and be baptized in my name, and become as a little child, or ye can in nowise inherit the kingdom of God." (3 Nephi 11:38)

Here are a few traits about my little Leah:

She believes everything I tell her. She is 100% trusting. If I told her the sky was purple, she would believe me. Today she asked me where her food went when she swallowed. I told her that it went into her tummy and that it would make her eyes see, her hair grow long, and her muscles strong, and her toes grow, etc, and the poopy come out, too (can you tell we're still in the potty-training phase?). Throughout the rest of the meal, she excitedly repeated how her hair would grow longer and her toes and eyes too, and did not forget the part about the poopy. She was so excited to learn something new, and she has absolutely no disposition to question anything I tell her. I'm sure that someday this will not be the case, but for the time being, that sure gives us parents a lot of power.

She is totally innocent.

She has an unlimited supply of energy and imagination. She'll talk my ear off about anything, she'll literally run circles around us, she can make a toy out of a box, a pen, a piece of thread, an empty toilet paper tube, even a few sheets of TP themselves. Then, she'll take that new toy and...

She is a nurturer. She'll take any real or imagined toy and comfort it, saying "it's okay, thread," and pretend to feed it. Then she'll carefully tuck it in for a nap. Another example of her compassion is her unstoppable need to hug any child that is crying. Hugs and kisses just make it all better, and she wants to be the one to fix it. She is so loving.

And today I learned about complete forgiveness. We had a rough evening, after defiantly missing her nap, refusing to eat dinner, followed by at least an hour of intermittent tantrums (from her, not me, although I may have shed tears also). I would have just put her to bed and let her cry it out, but Chris encouraged me to at least let her try again with dinner. I reheated her dinner and stood at the bottom of the stairs, unable to lure her from the top landing. She was standing there bawling, completely unreasonable and uncommunicative. The ultimatum was to eat dinner or go to bed. Did I mention I was really mad and that generally I'm pretty tough, leaving the room to let her sob? She finally let me sit on the stair next to her and she took a bite or two.

As instantaneous as you can turn on a light switch, her countenance completely changed. She was done crying, was smiling again, giving me unsolicited hugs, chowing down on her dinner, and asking me where the food goes when she swallows. Our battle of wills completely forgotten to her. How can one forgive and forget so quickly and easily and so perfectly? Usually when I sit outside her bedroom door listening to her wails, I guiltily picture her in therapy as an adult reflecting on my neglectful and abandoning parenting. I tried to ask her why she had been upset, but aside from "I'm happy now," she gave no reminiscence whatsoever of our power struggle. She wasn't regretful or penitent, and she wasn't ashamed or embarrassed. She was simply herself again, and she saw me as simply Mom, not awful, mean, Cruella deVil who should apologize soon and rectify hurt feelings.

As one who dwells on hurt feelings, its hard for me to forget anger so quickly, or sometimes at all. But I just melt when after an emotional battle, this three-foot tall brown mop runs up to me with a hug and a kiss and a tickle just because she adores me. I just have to give in and hug back because there is no point dwelling on my anger--it's not like we can exactly talk it out. It simply doesn't matter. Today I learned about forgiveness from my two year old daughter. It didn't matter that I may have behaved badly, it only mattered that "I'm happy now."

One Year

One year ago today I was sustained as the Relief Society president of our ward. We had barely been in the ward for two months. No one was more surprised than me.


Here are a few tidbits I've learned because of this calling and in the process. Just for the record, I've learned all these things the hard way, if you know what I mean.

• The Lord knows me personally. I may doubt myself but I can't doubt the Lord. Everyone else sustains me and looks to me as a leader which just goes to show that the Lord's calling outweighs the insecurities of His servants. I'm pretty sure I'm the only one that doubts myself. Others don't see it, so there is no use in being self-conscious about taking the lead, as I am entitled to certain inspiration(this has been the hardest learned lesson for me). (Anyone in my ward reading this, please don't burst my fragile bubble of security by telling me I'm mistaken)

• I've never seen anyone roll their eyes at "the naive, 24-year old rookie Relief Society president." Again, I'd rather believe that this is just my worst fear and not actually true. I don't know why it takes repeated effort to convince myself that no one in Bishopric meeting is saying "Wow, what were we thinking when we called Sister Fosdick?"

• Delegation. Trust me, I haven't tried to do it all myself--I simply haven't had the energy for it. You know how they say that when you want something done a certain way, it's just easier to do it yourself? I have found that even though I want things done a certain way, I still can't do it myself--I just have to be very descriptive and specific in giving instructions while also leaving room for people to use their own agency and flair. Then I have to expect something original. I'm never disappointed. Its also really great that I can count on the people I delegate to--they are on the ball and really get things done.

• For those instances where delegation doesn't go so smoothly, its more important to help someone grow into a calling than to just take it away from them and give it to someone who will get the job done better. It's the people over programs principle. I've also learned that when trying to get to the bottom of the problem you have to ask very specific questions and get very specific responses to really understand what is going on.

• It's just as hard to do something you dread today than to put it off for weeks and worry about it and then have to do it anyway. You might as well just save yourself the grief and get it done sooner.

• Some emergencies need my immediate attention, and some need time to simmer--the person may be able to find a solution on their own, and just because I'm the first one to call doesn't mean I'm personally responsible to solve the problem.

• I'm really good at spotting jumping monkeys. I'll elaborate on this another day. Maybe Mom could be the guest poster on this point? (So you don't have to scratch your head until then, a "monkey" represents a responsibility, and each "monkey" belongs to a certain person.)

• Criticism, critiquing, and negative feedback are not personal attacks on me, but are opportunities to try again and grow and learn. I can't beat myself up over criticism, because then I'd be afraid to try again. And often each negative criticism represents just as many or more positive responses that I usually never hear about.

• Whenever I need to call on someone with an assignment, I've learned that I should always ask them how they are doing first. I know it sounds simple, but its important.

• I've re-learned the importance and significance of the Visiting Teaching program. I am a believer!

• And of course, my testimony of the gospel has also grown, but I would like to think that that would grow annually regardless of what calling I currently have.

Anyway, here I am again bearing my soul with all my insecurities. I'm sure there are more things I've learned but didn't think to include, and I'm sure there are some goodies coming up in the second year. I'd love to hear the lessons you've learned from serving in the Church, and then hopefully I can learn from your experiences, too!

Pursuing Progress

I know that we're well into February, but here are my New Years' resolutions:

Take care of myself, my husband, my children; take care of my house, keep it clean and organized, stay on top of the dishes and the laundry; be more spiritual, magnify my calling; eat right, exercise, loose weight; have a daily routine, get enough sleep, make myself presentable everyday; spend more time with my family, be more patient and kind, be happier; live within our means, stick to a budget, save for the future. I'm sure there are more.

The reason I've held off on making any declaration of how I want to improve my life this year is because a list like this is just too vague. There are too many items and progress is too immeasurable for these "goals" to be realistic. I learned this from this post at Mormon Mommy Wars at the beginning of the year.

I'm also inspired by Elder Bednar's talk in General Conference last October:

"We will not attain a state of perfection in this life, but we can and should press forward with faith in Christ along the strait and narrow path and make steady progress toward our eternal destiny. The Lord’s pattern for spiritual development is “line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little” (2 Nephi 28:30). Small, steady, incremental spiritual improvements are the steps the Lord would have us take. Preparing to walk guiltless before God is one of the primary purposes of mortality and the pursuit of a lifetime; it does not result from sporadic spurts of intense spiritual activity."

Elder Bednar was talking about spiritual progress, but I'm applying his wisdom to any and all kinds of good progress; Progress at improving myself and my relationships effects the environment I live in, which ultimately enables or prohibits spiritual progress--Sister Beck talked about that, too. The discouragement I've experienced as of late is because I've been trying to make long-term progress through "sporadic spurts of intense [cleaning] activity" or laundry activity, or budgeting activity, or whatever. My goal here is to transition from sporadic spurts of intense [anything] activity to "sustained, paced progress."

Here is what I'm going to do instead of getting discouraged that I failed at being more patient this year, or because the laundry sat in a basket all week: I will make a few small acheivable goals each week. When one becomes habit, I can move on to another. So instead of resolving to keep my house clean, I'll try to mop the kitchen floor this week. Instead of resolving to pay more attention to my kids, I can make the goal to only use the computer when they are sleeping--perhaps a change as simple as that would help me to be more patient with them because I'm not trying to follow my own agenda when they need my attention.

Goals. Simple ones. Just a few each week.

The reason I'm sharing this with you is for the "accountability" factor. If you are counting on me to mop the kitchen floor once this week, I'm more likely to do it. Every Sunday I will list my goals for the coming week and report on how I did on the previous week's goals.

Last week I had the goal to clean 3 bathrooms, but you didn't know about it so my progress was 0 out of 3. This week my goal is to clean 1 bathroom.

This week I'm going to be ready for bed by 11:00 every night. Someday my goal will be 10:00, but we're just going one step at a time here.

This week, I will get dressed every day. This shouldn't be hard since I have a killer new wardrobe to try out.

This week, I will put away 3 loads of clean laundry.

Lets give this a try and see how I do!

President Hinkckley in the rest of the Lord

We shed bittersweet tears in our home yesterday upon learning of the passing of our beloved Prophet, President Gordon B. Hinckley. For our family members and friends who aren't familiar with the LDS Church, I'd like to tell you about this wonderful man. Gordon B. Hinckley has been the Lord's chosen Prophet for the past 12 years, leading the church and the world with his sweet example and by receiving revelation from the Lord and providing guidance and direction to the world. He was 97 at his death, and despite his age, he was as familiar with the trials and adversities of this day and age as any. He was humble and hardworking and sincere. We will miss him dearly, but we are also relieved that he can be in the rest of the Lord and can once again be reunited with his dear wife Marjorie who preceeded him in death in 2004.

At our house, President Hinckley is the first Prophet that either of us remembers in our adult lives, as I was only 12 when he was sustained in 1995, and Chris didn't become a member of the church until 1998. We will always remember him as an incredible spiritual giant.

He will be succeeded by another man, and the Church will go forward, but we will always remember with fondness this man who has done so much for the Church. Although I can't provide an exhuastive list of his accomplishments, here are a few things from his life and ministry that make up his legacy:

• His utilization of radio and television media to spread the gospel's message
  
• Revealing The Family: A Proclamation to the World in 1995


• The Perpetual Education Fund, which provides means for young adults throughout the world (mostly developing countries) to obtain an education


• His involvement in building and dedicating temples, including smaller temples, Houses of the Lord in which individuals can learn more of the nature of God and receive essential ordinances, and in which families can be sealed together for eternity


• The building of the Conference Center


• His extensive worldwide travels and humanitarian efforts, even in his advanced age


• And so many more...what am I missing?

Establishing a House of Order

Doctrine & Covenants 109:8

Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing,

and establish a house, even a house of prayer,

a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning,

a house of glory, a house of order,

a house of God;

I'm hoping that by working on the "house of order" part this week, it will help me to in turn create an environment where I can better establish a house of prayer, fasting, faith, learning, glory, and ultimately a house of God.

Over the past few months I've done things like hang a simple hook to hang my wok on, put up a cabinet in the kitchen for my microwave and for storage, commit to a regular floor-sweeping regime, organize the bathroom counter, arrange the nursery, etc. I've seen the light and had a change of heart concerning the cleanliness of my kitchen. If only I could have the same resolution about clutter and laundry...not to imply that either is tolerable to my fragile anxiety.

So this week, my efforts to "prepare every needful thing" have been to stock up on diapers and frozen dinners, anticipate the things I'll need the first few weeks with a newborn, put away Christmas, delegate my RS responsibilities, etc. Anticipating that we will be buying a dresser in a few weeks with our tax return, I went and got it this week so that at least that much more of my life can be in order before the baby comes. It took me approximately 5 hours to put together, but it is solid and sturdy and will undoubtedly meet our needs. Of course, it is so big that it didn't fit in the spot I had designated for it, meaning I made Chris rearrange our bedroom furniture at 10:30 last night. Poor guy.

Another preemptive measure to feel like I have a house of order was to put on our new couch cover. I just can't handle the thought of spit-up soaking into our nice couch, so here was a way to minimize that stressor before it ever reared its nasty head.

Incidentally, in the process of vacuuming the couch and scrubbing each cushion before putting on the cover, I found practically an entire box of cheerios, our checkbook, a plethora of pens and pencils, and yes, that long-lost remote control.

That's exactly what I thought!

I just got the December issue of the Ensign, and I have to say, the very first article by President Hinckley hit me right in the center. It's called "These, Our Little Ones." I thought it was very powerful and inspiring. Let me share a few tidbits.

E. T. Sullivan once wrote these interesting words: “When God wants a great work done in the world or a great wrong righted, he goes about it in a very unusual way. He doesn’t stir up his earthquakes or send forth his thunderbolts. Instead, he has a helpless baby born, perhaps in a simple home and of some obscure mother. And then God puts the idea into the mother’s heart, and she puts it into the baby’s mind. And then God waits. The greatest forces in the world are not the earthquakes and the thunderbolts. The greatest forces in the world are babies.”

...

Do you want a spirit of love to grow in the world? Then begin within the walls of your own home. Behold your little ones, and see within them the wonders of God, from whose presence they have recently come.

...

The story is told that in ancient Rome a group of women were, with vanity, showing their jewels one to another. Among them was Cornelia, the mother of two boys. One of the women said to her, “And where are your jewels?” To which Cornelia responded, pointing to her sons, “These are my jewels.” Under her tutelage and walking after the virtues of her life, they grew to become Gaius and Tiberius Gracchus—the Gracchi, as they were called—two of the most persuasive and effective reformers in Roman history. For as long as they are remembered and spoken of, the mother who reared them after the manner of her own life will be remembered and spoken of with praise also.

...

Behold your little ones. Pray with them. Pray for them and bless them. The world into which they are moving is a complex and difficult world. They will run into heavy seas of adversity. They will need all the strength and all the faith you can give them while they are yet near you. And they will also need a greater strength which comes of a higher power. They must do more than go along with what they find. They must lift the world, and the only levers they will have are the example of their own lives and the powers of persuasion that will come of their testimonies and their knowledge of the things of God. They will need the help of the Lord. While they are young, pray with them that they may come to know that source of strength which shall then always be available in every hour of need.

...

Said Isaiah of old, “All thy children shall be taught of the Lord; and great shall be the peace of thy children” (Isaiah 54:13). To which I add, “Great also shall be the peace and the gladness of their fathers and mothers.”

What a great honor and blessing that we have one (and 3/4) children. I only hope and pray and strive to be the worthy mother President Hinckley described that will instill in the hearts of my children the spirit and desire to do good.

In defense of Sister Beck

As a blogger, and one who reads other blogs, I've come across a lot of strong resentment (here and here) toward Sister Beck's General Conference address in the Sunday morning session. Listen to the talk here. Many found it discouraging, guilt-inducing, and some found it downright offensive. They criticize her choice of words and discredit her address based on her being the freshman Relief Society President. I'm writing in defense of Sister Beck--I think she was grossly misunderstood by those critics. I'm always one who strives to sustain the leaders of the church, and I've taken a concerned and heartfelt approach to listen and ponder her address to the women of the world from her perspective as the General Relief Society President.

Sister Beck spoke about the need to be women--mothers--who know, meaning women who know to keep the commandments of God and walk uprightly before him. She identified that the challenges children will wrestle against in this world are "principalities, powers, rulers of the darkness of this world, spiritual wickedness in high places." Mothers who know who they are, who God is, and have made covenants with him are armed with the knowledge, power, and influence to bring up a righteous generation of children.

Mothers who know (1)honor sacred covenants, (2)are nurturers, (meaning they cultivate, care for, and make grow) by creating a climate for spiritual and temporal growth in their homes, (3)are leaders in equal partnership with their husbands, (4)are selective in their activities and involvement to conserve limited strength to spend more time with their children, (5) are always teachers, and (6) permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally.

Sister Beck encouraged the practices of teaching the gospel in the home to point children toward righteous eternal goals such as temple marriage, and working together with children in homemaking tasks to teach and model emulable qualities. She didn't say to sweep and groom and wash and keep a perfect house. She didn't say we had to be perfect at housekeeping, but that growth happens best in a house of order (See Elder Oak's talk about good, better and best!) She didn't say our homes have to be as clean as the temple, but that we can pattern our homes after the Lord's house by applying the principles of organization, patience, love, and work.

Ultimately her message was not to discourage, but to encourage mothers in their role as the most powerful and influential in the lives of their children, and that by nature of knowing who we are and what our role is, LDS women would be the best in the world at homemaking (meaning nurturing children). "LDS women should excel in upholding, nourishing, and protecting families. Let us come to be known as mothers who knew." Prophets have taught on the role and value of motherhood, and have called upon us to teach our children in the ways of truth. This is nothing new. What is the problem?

I'm not offended by her address at all--in fact I'm relieved to hear this said. And I think her wording was careful and inspired. It is so true that the challenges facing our children are greater and uglier than ever before, and women need to know the expectation the Lord has for them. It is not a guilt-trip because your house isn't clean enough or you don't spend enough time and energy with your children. The encouragement to know the gospel and create a conducive home for gospel-teaching is equivalent to anyone else's address encouraging us to be better at bearing one anothers burdens or attending the temple or paying tithing or having more faith.

What is wrong with the counsel to be selective in our activities and involvment so that we have more energy to spend time nurturing children? It compels (not guilt-induces) me to spend less time on self-interested, energy-sapping things (perhaps I spend too much time on the computer...) and more time nurturing my daughter (not to indicate that that isn't energy-sapping in and of itself...) What is wrong with the counsel not to succumb to social pressure and worldly models of parenting (which I conclude means modeling behaviors not consistent with gospel teaching)? What is wrong with the counsel to permit less of those things that do not bear good fruit eternally?

I find it ultimately encouraging that "LDS women who love the Lord and bear testimony of Him and are strong and immovable will prepare a righteous generation of sons and daughters." This doesn't bother me because I think I'm one of those women who knows. Motherhood is powerful and influential--shouldn't that empower us as those who already understand the value of children and motherhood? She may not have directly said it in her talk, but we are already armed with the tools to bring up children in righteousness; we are already on the right track; we are already doing a good job because we are mothers who know!