Tuesday, May 26, 2009

What happens when you watch too much CSI

We just finished watching the first season of CSI. In the past, intense shows like this have given me nightmares. This time it's day-mares. I think it may be time to watch something else for a while.

Case in point:

This morning I did laps at the gym. Mid-workout I paused for a drink of water and a breather. After I'd been standing there in the water for a couple of minutes resting, I heard someone bubble up to the surface on the opposite side of the lap pool. How long had someone else been there and why hadn't I noticed? Were they lurking about quietly so as not to be detected? Now, I'm blind as a bat without my contacts in, so I couldn't tell if this blob was a man or a woman, if they were staring at me or not.

Then my mind started imagining. The blob was a scary man and he was most certainly watching me, his future prey. We were the only two in the pool. If I naively continued my laps in blurry blindness, I would be apprehended by this mysterious shape on the other side. By the time Grissom arrived, I would have had my neck sliced open and my locker key, which had been pinned to my suit, would be gone. A look-alike Jenny would have gone into the locker room and removed my ID from my locker, and then used it to retrieve and kidnap my children from the gym daycare. Then Grissom would interview Chris and find out who my enemies were. That guy who gave me a dirty look on our bike ride yesterday? One of the creepy kids who waits at the bus stop in front of our house every morning? It would turn out that some desperate pseudo friend had me off-ed so she could console and ultimately woo my grieving widower.

I decided to get out of the pool.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Invisible progress

This week was productive, but you probably wouldn't notice. This week, I:
  • Paid nearly-due bills(including accidentally paying the gas bill twice).
  • Applied for several rebates and mailed them in.
  • Removed existing curtain rod brackets and replaced them again, this time with drywall anchors.
  • Touched up the paint in the living room.
  • Instituted the Quicken program for keeping track of our finances. (In an unprecedented turn of events, I called my technologically challenged mother for tips on how to use the software)
  • Transitioned the kids clothes from an ineffective dresser system to a closet hanger system.
  • Instituted a bin system for the toy cabinet--one bin at a time.
  • Installed cabinet locks in the kitchen, something only the children will notice.
  • Pulled ten square feet worth of weeds in the backyard--it only represents 5% of the weeds that remain undisturbed.
  • Identified nine sprinkler zones in the backyard and programmed them to water automatically.
  • Started taking care of my skin with Mary Kay miracle set.
See? What'd I tell ya.

Saturday, May 09, 2009

Ode to Mom

I thought about making a list of the reasons why my Mom is the greatest. Then I realized that to really do her justice, in order to have a truly fitting tribute to mom, I’d have to use poetry. So here we go.

This Mom is the Bomb
By Dr. Spoofs.

The sun did not shine, it was too wet to rake.
So she sat in the house and she started to bake.
She sat there with bread dough, she sat there and kneaded.
This was not a good time for yards to be weeded.
No laundry to fold and no toilets to scrub,
Thanks to her wonderful excellent Hub.
So all she could do was to
And did she complain? Not one little gripe.

Then Eve was redeemed!
How that news made us gleam!
A real, hooded Doctor, standing so calm,
We cheered and we cried out, this Mom is the Bomb!

And she said to us “Why do you sit there like that?”
“Don’t act like I’m tired and should be ready to rest,
Look at what’s happened inside of this nest.”
“I know some good projects to start”
(Please don’t slouch)
“I know some great stories”
She sat on the couch.
“A lot of great stories, I think you should stay.
I am your mother, now do as I say.”

And Becky and I did not know what to say.
Our mother was acting quite strange for the day.
And our Dad said “Yes! Yes!
Let us hear all about!
Let us count up the ways that your mom is worn out!”

“She has mastered the Bard
She has studied phonemes
While mothering hard.
Let her tell us these things.”

“Now, Now. Let me see.
Let me see, I will quench.
I’ll tell you the story in Spanish or French.
Why we can have lots of good fun, if you please,
My story of counting 1-2-3 degrees.”

“Very well” said the mom.
“I will tell you all how.
I’ve been going to school from then until now.
I raised you four up as I studied a lot,
With a book in one hand and some soup in a pot.
But that is not all that I did,” said the mom…

“Look at me! Look at me then!” She said chiming.
“Raising four kids while in school and still smiling.
I could look at TWO books, untie any knot,
Could sew a black skirt, and get out that damn spot.
And look, I can swim endlessly in the pool
All while coordinating car-pool.”

“Look at me!
Look at me!
Look at me then!
It is fun to have fun, but you have to know when!
I could hold a church calling, tape record dinner,
Draw by eye-balling, then nurse any splinter.
I could bike here and there and not even perspire.
And look, with my feet, I can lead the ward choir!
I know every verse in the hymnbook, what’s more,
I can sleep next to Dad even though he would snore…”

That is what the mom said when she fell on her bed!
She came down with a bump, she came down with a roll
And Becky and I saw that the bed had a hole.

She fell deep asleep, she fell on the bed
“She does fall asleep like this”, our dad said.
“But this is a good story, do not side-track!
If we must wake her up, We may heart attack!”
At B.Y.U., N.I.U., C.O.D. even,
What’s next for your research, the Garden of Eden?
Mother of four and now with five grands,
And to think that she did it with only two hands.
And many years later, she’s Supermom still
Enjoying the beautiful, green Naperville.

But it doesn’t make much of a difference where from,
No matter the place, this Mom is the Bomb!

Thursday, May 07, 2009


Cute kids alert! But what's new?

I don't know how or why he gets tangled up like this because he doesn't seem to like it. Why has he done it at least three times?

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Finished Project #1

The Kids' Room: The Final Product. Here's the work in progress.

This means that Leah constantly wants to be a princess now. You know those McDonald's commercial where the little girl is at the restaurant in a Tutu? That's my kid in a Princess dress. Everywhere we go. Man, I thought we could avoid this phase, but how wrong I was.
I took some of these photos to submit them to a magazine for publishing, so no, the room is never that clean, the bed is never made, the decorations would never get left undisturbed for more than 10 seconds, the books are usually pulled off the shelves, but I thought it would be worth it for the picture.

I am kind of getting sick of project mode. I have several underway, and none of them are actually done. Project #2: The Playground (meaning the tools are still out and there are still some assorted boards all over the grass waiting to be installed). Project #3: Painting the living room (meaning that right now, all the furniture is in the middle of the room and their are dropcloths everywhere, paintbrushes in the sink, china on the kitchen counter). Project #4: the living room curtains (completion of which is contingent upon the completion of the painting project and the arrangement of the curtains before I know how long to make them). Project #5: the bushes on the kitchen counter that need to be planted in the backyard. Okay, so, why did I start so many projects before finishing the first ones? Because it was raining one day and I couldn't keep working on the playground? Because it was raining and the kids were awake so I couldn't paint? The list goes on...

And of course, once those projects are done, I am seriously going to crack down and ORGANIZE! I need to finally get into a system of cleaning the kitchen, scrubbing toilets regularly, putting away laundry, getting rid of clutter, having a routine for dinner and bedtime and showering, going to the gym and to work and on errands, paying bills on time, taking care of my kids and taking care of myself. AHH! I am so sick of limbo!