Missing Earring, Answered Prayer

Two prayers answered with one earring.

Since before Christmas, I have been looking for the missing half to my favorite set of earrings. Raking the rug under the bed, peering under dressers and behind cabinets with a flash light, (even sifting through the contents of the vacuum bag--so gross). A week ago I offered a timid, half-hearted plea to the Lord to help me with this tiny thing. I know it's just an earring, but its obviously important to me so I thought that since I have faith in prayer, maybe the Lord could help me find it.

And today a coin slid off my dresser and landed in an open drawer, which inspired a stroke of genious to empty all of the drawers and find my earring hidden among Chris's socks! It was such a Happy Moment! 

And That was the answer to the full-hearted, pleading, helpless prayer I gave just last night in a place of utter despair and hopelessness, when I pleaded with the Lord to let me have just one glimmer of Joy on Wednesday.

My Joy didn't come until 10pm, and when it came, it was in the form of another answered, albeit forgotten, prayer.

Its not business, its personal

I used to think about my depression this way:

"I'm depressed and miserable. I'm barely functioning. I feel sorry for myself and I want everyone else to feel sorry for me too. I want everyone (in my family, friends and church community) to notice how low I am and to see that I'm drowning.  No one else has ever been this low.  I'm the only one going through this so it's a big deal and there's no way I can do this without someone rescuing me. Everyone should know that I need help without me saying so, and I want those people to swoop in and take care of me. Take over my responsibilities.  They should take care of me and coddle me because I am too debilitated by this depression to do it by myself and I'm definitely too proud to ask for help."  

Or something like that.

I've had this mentality for at least 12 years.

I've always placed great importance on my relationships with people around me. Will they notice when I'm struggling and help me without me having to ask?  Will they notice when I'm happy?  Will they confide in me and trust me?  Do they want me around?  And I often come away feeling just as disconnected and unsure of myself as I was before.  There was (usually) never an amazing connection and no one seemed to want to know the deep desires of my heart. No one was going to tear down the walls that guard my most vulnerable thoughts.

I'm working on a new mentality. A few unrelated events and conversations all happened at about the same time, and it gave me an epiphany and a new way to think. Here goes.

The first instance was when we ran into a family that we know at a restaurant.  We hadn't seen them in about six months, which was when we attended the funeral of their four year old daughter who had just succumbed to cancer. 

In the spirit of friendship and to gauge whether it was okay to talk about their loss, I simply asked how their family was doing.  To my surprise Brian began energetically and unreservedly telling me about how hard its been and how much they miss their daughter. He cried as he talked about what it would be like to have the holidays without her. He seemed at peace with her death and remarked on the irony of one life ending and another beginning, referring to his wife's surprise pregnancy.  He shared his firm belief that their family is eternal and they would see their daughter again. Now we were both crying. I apologized for bringing up such a sensitive topic, but what Brian said next was eye opening to me. 

He said that sometimes people ask him how he's doing but they don't really want to know. They just expect a one word answer and then they move on. But when people ask Brian that, he tells them. He tells them if it was a good day or if it was a bad day and that they missed their daughter a lot and cried a lot. And the other person turns out to be genuinely interested.  Brian would have told them this painful and deeply personal thing, and then they would turn around and tell him some deeply personal thing that they're going through. Brian was surprised to find out that other people wanted to open up about their loss and heartache too.  Now he and this person-who he only knew superficially until just then-they've just had an amazing conversation talking about the really hard  things they're both going though.  They've just connected on an emotional and personal level and cried together. Everyone has hard stuff that they're going through and even though his is different from theirs, they now have in common that they can talk to each other about it and feel sorrow together.

You have to be personal with someone  in order to connect with them. And you have to connect with that person in order for your relationship to be meaningful and satisfying.

I definitely want meaningful and satisfying relationships.

The next epiphany came from my two year old daughter. Since a quick visit from my sister's family a few months ago, my daughter always asks about her  little cousin, "Where's Caroline?"  In the car, at the store, at bedtime, "Where's Caroline?"  I would look at the clock and try to imagine what they would be doing in Illinois when its 7:30. "She's probably getting ready for bed" I'd say.

And then one morning at breakfast Audrey prayed that we could play at Leslie's house today.

Well it hit me: these are opportunities to connect with people too. I can call my sister and tell her that Audrey thinks about her sweet little cousin every day!  I can call my friend and tell her that Audrey wants to play with Leslie and we should get together soon. That paves the way for more personal communication.

The third thing is that my parents are leaving the country this week for a two year church service mission in Nicaragua.  Two years.  Aside from my husband, my mom is the top number that I call on my phone. On my way to work, at the store, for cooking tips, for sewing tips, for parenting tips, to vent about husbands, to cry about potty training, and again to celebrate potty training success, you name it. I pretty much call my mom about everything. And now she will be away for two whole years and I will only get to talk to her once a week for maybe a few minutes at a time.

I thought about writing in a journal every time I wish I could call mom. I considered that I could send her emails whenever a thought came up I wanted to discuss with her(several per day),  but then I realized that with her being away and less reachable, this is a good opportunity for me to reach out to the people around me for help and friendship and connection. My sister, Leslie's mom, Brian's family, my best friend who lives too far away, people in my circle who have heartache they want to share with other people and together lighten the burden a little.

So my new way of thinking goes something like this:

I am not unique in my depression. I am not the only one going through something that seems impossible to overcome.  And no one is going to take care of me simply because I feel sorry for myself. There is no shame in asking for help. Asking for help will give someone the chance to serve me.  No one can read my mind and know I need help unless I tell them.  Everyone around me has a story, and we all want to share them and mourn together, comfort together, cry together. Because when we can truly connect to each other by sharing our heartaches, then we will find our relationships are more meaningful and satisfying and we will put down our walls and forget about feeling vulnerable and instead we will genuinely laugh together and cry together and love together and celebrate joy.

Mosiah 18:8-10 summarizes my thoughts, and adds that as we serve and comfort and mourn with one another, we are witnessing of Christ, serving the Lord, and will have his Spirit poured out upon us.

It says:   [...] And now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort [...] Now I say unto you, if this be the desire of your hearts, what have you against being [...] a witness before [the Lord], that ye have entered into a covenant with him, that ye will serve him and keep his commandments, that he may pour out his Spirit more abundantly upon you?

So in the process of forgetting about myself and reaching out to others in friendship and compassion, I hope to put my depression in the past.  A fortunate side effect will hopefully be a closer relationship with the Savior and a better connection to the Spirit, which some would suggest might have been the problem and solution from the beginning.

Being Mom

Today I became totally exasperated over the insistent demands, manipulative pouty faces, and utter impatience of Leah.  I refused to be a short order cook for lunch, which was unacceptable.  I forced her to help me while I made dinner, with her options of setting the table or keeping the baby happy (aka playing with her).  When I told her I would cut up her orange after she changed out of her swimming suit, she complained that she was too hungry and couldn't wait that long.  Yes, this all happened after we had spent the entire morning at the water park.  So in a nut shell, I was totally fed up.

Behaviors such as this are not infrequent.  She's a good kid, she just doesn't get that the world doesn't revolve around her.  And that my sole purpose in life is not to cater to her every need at a moment's notice.  I think you could file this one under "attitude."

So I hatched a plan.  I told her that she can be the Mom for an entire day.  She can say no and yes as much as she wants, just like mom does.  She can stay up late just like mom.  She can pick whatever she wants for breakfast.  And lunch.  And dinner.  As long as she makes it and feeds everyone and cleans it up, just like mom does.  Because in Leah's world, Mom says yes and no arbitrarily, and does certain things just to be mean.  And stays up late watching TV just because she can.  Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

I need her to realize that I work hard all day to take care of everyone else.  I want Leah to understand that I sit back and put my feet up at the end of the day because, more often than not, it is the first time I've sat down all day.  I want her to understand that I say my yeses and nos because there are reasons.  I want her to understand that as a grown up I have knowledge and experience that counts for something.  "I know you don't like vegetables! Do you think I'm trying to torture you, or can you believe me when I tell you there is actually a purpose to this?"

I want Leah to be excited about her own future motherhood, and I hope that I will be the one to teach her many things about nurturing and taking care of a household (notwithstanding my frequent absences of sanity lately).  But I also hope that this exercise will help her understand what goes in to being a mom and make her want to stay a kid for awhile, only having to help out some of the time, instead of doing all the work always.

Most importantly I hope she learns that I am not a waitress or a genie or a superhero.  Her needs will be met, but not at her beck and call.  Her preferences and tastes and whims are not the order of my life.  She will eat what is served.  She will have clean clothes to wear because someone purchased them and washed them and put them away.  Rewards and outings will occur because the children have been helpful and cooperative, because I have planned my schedule and done my chores and spent my money on it, and it is important to me, not because my six-year old is the queen of the universe.  I just want her to appreciate me and all the work I do.  I don't want to doom her to failure, I want to help her succeed, but to also understand that it is a lot of work for parents, and that is why the children are expected to help and not complain.  So that when she goes back to being a kid again the next day, she has a better attitude and more gratitude.  Is that too much to ask? 

We decided that Friday would be the day that Leah is the Mom.  This gives her a day and a half to practice.  So tonight as we sat down to dinner (the children each shoveling down their second pancake while mom has yet to take her first bite), I decided that she could practice being the mom tonight.  I had her do the chair-bouncing thing back and forth to the fridge.  She decided that everyone could have chocolate milk with their dinner (yes, pancakes), including the baby.  She was the one to pour the syrup, spoon-feed the baby her applesauce, and then to mop up the resulting spills.  She did all the baby bathing, with the washcloth-ing and the shampoo-ing.  I helped her have everything she would need to dry, diaper, and dress the baby for bedtime, and I'm hoping my detailed diaper-changing demonstration will prepare her to do it by herself.  Then we spent an hour together doing dishes and cleaning up dinner.  (How long has it been since I played in the dish bubbles at the kitchen sink?)
It only took a few minutes of Leah being the Mom for the true nature of its poeticity to shine through.  All those things that moms say that make kids roll their eyes?  Well they must be true because Leah said it: "I'm already getting you something, I can only do one thing at a time!"  Ah, Samuel and I had a good laugh with that one and I saw Leah hide a sheepish smile.

So here's to Friday.  I have some important things I hope to teach her, and in the process I expect she will teach me a few things in return.

Tightening the purse strings

Here are some top signs that money is tight:

Red box is too expensive
Kraft Macaroni and Cheese is a luxury of the past
You are eating the end slices from the loaf of bread
Today's plate scrapings become tomorrow's baby food
You leave the baby's diaper on until it is completely saturated
The kids have more in their piggy banks than you do (that 5 dollar bill is soooo tempting...)
Your daily Dew fix has been replaced by a healthy dose of Excedrin
You take the whole family to Sam's club when the free samples are aplenty and call it lunch
You turn away the canned food-seeking Cub Scouts empty handed
You start buying fattier milk because it costs the same but has more calories
Cracker sandwiches, endless possibilities. Who knew?
You start eyeballing your furniture wondering what it would fetch on Craigslist
You plan on doing your Christmas shopping at the Dollar Store

All in a day's weekend's work

This weekend we put together this:
















While the kids did this:

And resultantly fell asleep before dinner:

There was another one of Samuel reposing stark naked on the hall floor, but alas, it was inappropriate for Blogger.

I must say, experience has taught us much about working together peacefully. We worked for 5 hours in the hot sun and got most of the shed put together, stopping only to referee the kids. After dinner and putting kids to bed, we went back outside to work a little more in the daylight we had left. By then it was windy and chilly and buggy, and the pieces we were putting together got tricky. By 9:30, we were running the car headlights to see in the dark, and by 10:30 we were jump-starting said car by light of iPod. iPod doubling as access to jump-start instructions and flashlight. (What did we ever do before WiFi and portable devices?)

In a former life, this comedy of errors would have made us frustrated and contentious. As it was, we were really quite amused and cooperative. And spending all say in the hot sun doing manual labor makes one sleep like the dead, indeed.

Roller Coaster

This week I was part SuperMom, and part SuperGrouch. SuperMom is cheerful and on the ball, gets out the door on time, goes on walks, plays with her kids, and stays on top of the dishes and laundry. SuperGrouch is tired, grumpy, emotional, impatient, ingores the dishes and the laundry, makes frozen pizza for dinner, and yells at her 3 and 5 year old.

This week I cleaned out and scrubbed the fridge...
But I also impaled my three year old with a shopping cart and had his eyebrow glued back together. (What is it with my kids and shopping carts?) It turns out I could have saved myself a copay and fixed his face with neosporin and a bandaid.

This week I took my kids for a long walk and play at the park...
But at the park Leah got a bug bite on her foot and it was swollen and red and hot for 2 days.

This week we had a family outing to Farm Country at Thanksgiving Point and had a blast and brought a picnic lunch and didn't buy any fast food at all...
But Samuel got a puffy itchy face from petting all the animals and on the way home we had to stop at Babies 'R Us and get a new carseat for Audrey because the one we bought last month was DEFECTIVE and already BROKE!

This week I vacuumed the carpet...
But its already dirty again.

This week I took the kids to story time at the Library...
But story time is on hiatus in May and we have overdue books and the kids have susequently been watching their Library movies for three days straight.

I feed the baby a dozen times a day...
But when she doesn't poop for 2 days, she is very fussy and that makes me very fussy.

Momnesia

I think I lost brain cells giving birth.

This week I have said the following stupid things:

• I can't remember lunch.


• Where did I put the baby?


• Go left. I mean right. Which way is right?


• Was he naked when you got here?


• Did I pee today?

To register or not to register?

We are the happy custodians of Lola's Van while she is oversees and the time has come to re-register it. I have been dreading this moment, knowing how much it costs to get all the tests and pay all the fees, not to mention we need to replace the windshield in order to pass the safety test. (I am looking in to whether or not our insurance will cover it, but it doesn't look like it...) Well today I got a statement from the Washington State Department of Licensing with a summary of the charges to re-register the van in WA.

I'll let you decide...

Utah
$1.00 Uninsured Motorist Identification Fee (Don't I already pay this on my insurance?)
$2.50 Driver Education Fee
$6 Title Fee (transfer title to new state)
$80 Uniform Statewide Age-based Fee (for 6-9 year old car)
$17 Utah Safety Test
$25 Utah Emissions Test
$178 New windshield (to pass safety test)

$309.50 Subtotal, plus
$--? Registration Fee (to be determined—about $100 for our Honda)


Washington
$3.00 Filing Fee
$30.00 License Fee (road construction/maintenance)
$20.00 Vehicle Weight fee (highway improvements/transit)
$0.75 License service fee (computer system that provides licensing services)
$53.75 Total

One week at a time

Every week, I turn to a new page in my calendar. My life is measured by Fridays in the lab at work, by laundry day, by preschool days, by story time at the library every Thursday, by Sundays at Church when my dresses are a little tighter than the week before.

Every week the ticker on my blog moves ahead. My belly gets a little bigger. I get a little more tired and have to slow down a little more.

Every week, the sunlight lasts a little longer, it gets a little warmer and the sunny, nice days become more commonplace. Every week, the promise of spring gets a little bit closer. (And with that, the promise of meeting our new baby).

Every week Samuel makes a new discovery about his body, resulting in a new stage of what can finally be termed "potty training." One week I was simply setting a timer. The next week, he figured out how to go. The week after that, he figured out how to tell us when he had to go. This week, he is protesting a diaper at night time and challenging himself to stay dry at night. (Yes! This kid a month ago would have rather gone in a diaper his whole life!)

Every week, the idea of our tax return falling into our laps gets a little more real. We are that much closer to a new dishwasher, or new insulation in the attic, or a shed. And that much closer to a little lower balance on our credit cards.

Every week Leah learns to sight-read a couple more words.

Every week my house gets a little messier.

Every week the Christmas lights on the outside of my house look that much more out of place.

Every week, the crack in the car windshield creeps another half a centimeter, and the registration renewal date gets a little closer.

Every week, my roots grow in a little further and I remind myself to get that taken care of.

Every week I pick up a couple new books from the library.

Every week, two month old baby Zeke gets a little stronger and that much closer to heart surgery. I thought I was melancholy, but I'm not going through anything like this family.

And that is how I measure my life. One monotonous week at a time, waiting for Spring.

Incentives. Or rather, full-on bribery

I know I'll be spending a fortune on diapers for Baby Girl in just a couple of months, but I do not want to spend a single penny more on diapers for Samuel. Come on, kid, get motivated! (PS--vote on your favorite Baby Girl name on the left)

We have tried the whole gamut with this kid, and I can not seem to get him motivated. "Oh, you pooped your pants. Now you can't have your new truck!" And straight-faced he says back: "I don't want my truck." "I don't want a marshmallow." "I don't want my bouncy ball." "I don't want to be a big boy, I want to wear a diaper." "I like taking cold showers." Ok, not really, he's never said he likes the cold shower, he mostly just squeals in terror and clenches those little white butt-cheeks, but it seems like he might as well be asking for it when he poops his pants daily!

I just plain out asked him "What do you want me to give you as a reward for going poop in the toilet?" fully expecting to give him whatever his little three-year old self designs to ask for. And then the poop happens in his pants and said reward is denied and stubbon three year old is completely indifferent.

Today I said "Samuel, you can't play with play-doh until you've pooped in the toilet," and "After you poop in the toilet, I'll get you a donut and you can have your bouncy ball back!" Well, he managed to get some of it in the toilet this morning and promptly asked for his bouncy ball, then his donut, then play-doh. Is this the trifecta of potty perfection? Will it work tomorrow?

So here is my question: I know it is different for every kid, but what was the "clicker" incentive that convinced your kid it was worth it to go in the potty? Was it wonderwoman underpants? Was it a trip to Chuck-E-Cheese? Was it as simple as fruit snacks or a single chocolate chip? Or was it fear of a punishment?

The Unbroken Circle

January 1, 2011, American Fork Hospital, Utah

Grandma had suffered mutli-organ failure, including damage to her lungs, heart, liver and kidneys. She was on a ventilator, which was forcing air into her lungs, and she was sedated so as not to choke or gag on the tubes. There was existing damage to her lungs from previous bouts of blood clots, and the other organ damage was due to reduced oxygen levels and a suspected virus. After receiving a priesthood blessing from Uncle Bill, the tubes were removed at about 2:45pm. Once the tubes were removed, she was able to breathe independently, and her oxygen level was remarkably high, although her blood pressure was very low, about 40 over 30. I think that would make anyone pass out; Grandma did not wake up at this point.

She seemed to sleep very peacefully, although her legs were jumpy as always, and she sneezed a lot. Gradually, her breathing rate decreased until after a while, there was no longer a blood pressure reading, and she stopped taking breaths. It was evident at this point that her face was no longer pink with life. It was about 4:00pm when the nurses turned off the monitors. I don't think we noticed the actual moment that she died, it was so gradual and peaceful.

During the hours that we sat with Grandma (my Aunt/Uncles and cousins), we looked at pictures of her as a young child and a young woman, we told stories, and sang hymns. We kept inviting her to set the record straight if we messed up any of the facts. I even offered to change my hair back to blond if only she would make her dying wish known, but she did not respond. The last hymn we sang was “Abide with me, Tis Eventide”.

We did a tally of how many there are in her progeny. There are 6 kids, 26 grandkids, and 49 great-grandkids, with 4 on the way. She came to Utah to spend Christmas with my Aunt Sue in Lehi, and was beating everyone at cards, shopping my cousin into the ground, playing with her new iPod until the very end. She was blessed to go quickly, without pain and prolonged suffering. That is a pretty good way to go.

When she was a young mom, she had a major illness during which she had a near death experience, viewing her body from above, conversing with the Savior and her daddy, and at that time asked to stay on earth and raise her children and finish her earthly mission. That she did indeed. I can imagine a similar greeting for her this time, only having completed a good and faithful earthly mission, she is rejoicing in going home to her parents, her husband, her infant daughter, and the hundreds of ancestors she's done temple work for over the years.

January 7, 2011, Plano/Dallas, Texas

Today was Grandma's funeral. It was a beautiful service. The flowers were beautiful. The people were beautiful. The music was beautiful. All of her children spoke and the granddaughters sang "I know that my redeemer lives." Funerals are always bittersweet, because of course we will miss our dear Grandmother, but we are happy that she can go home, she is released from her failing mortal body, she can be with loved ones on the other side, and we have the vital knowledge of eternal families and the resurrection.

Grandma was a friend to everyone. She was a missionary. She was always optimistic. She was a storyteller. She was adventerous. She was a go-getter and a problem solver and a giver and an entrepreneur. She never quit. She was beloved.

She has now taken her much anticipated and well deserved place in the family circle that exists around the glorious heavenly throne. There is a place for all of us in that circle. It was Grandma's wish that "God be with you 'till we meet again," for we will in fact meet again. And we will form an unbroken circle around the throne of glory.

Grandma would sign off "Keep Prayed Up."

Pictured Below

1: Elizabeth and I in our graduation robes in '05. One of the many times Grandma bounced right out of the hospital.

2/3: Benac Reunion in Park City, Utah, July 2006.

4: Grandma, Rebecca and Paul visiting my home in Provo in December '08.

Happenings

Chris is studying for a major certification exam, so we haven't seen much of him lately. Poor guy--he is so stressed. Come Saturday evening, he will only have to worry about finishing his last semester of grad school instead (haha).

Leah is loving preschool and having fun with her little friends. She is so creative and imaginative, and always a problem solver.

Samuel is almost a big boy (except he insists on wearing diapers). He is such a sweet little guy, knows all his letters, loves to be read to, and has been really cuddly (love it!).

I'm busy with work and the kids. We have been going to story time at the library every week, and it has been a lot of fun for the kids. I am enjoying working with the Young Women of our ward. Its amazing how quickly fall snuck up on us! I am loving the cooler weather, but I haven't started on Halloween costumes! I better get on that... That's about it for us! I feel like I'm forgetting something...

If you're tired and you know it

7:00PM

This is what happens when Samuel doesn't take an afternoon nap. He managed to fall asleep despite the current conversation about icing gingersnaps with chocolate so that we could eat them for dessert.

A Rant on Luxuries and Necessities

Well. We crunched the numbers and realized that we were spending too much money. Thus, we decided that since Samuel has allergies, is still wearing diapers, and eats more than his older sister, and thus costs more to maintain, he would be the one to go.

Just kidding.

Actually, we decided to have a budget and stick to it. We figured that was a more permanent solution to our predicament than getting rid of one of the kids.

Here's what we did. You have to budget for things that only happen once or twice a year, so if you are going to have to register your cars for $350 once a year, then you have to put away 1/12th of that ($30)every month, same with clothing, car maintenance, etc. So then we totaled up our monthly expenses for our tithing, mortgage, household expenses, insurance, utilities, car maintenance, entertainment, personal spending, clothing, etc, and whatever was left would be our grocery budget. Oh, yeah, and that's while paying down those credit cards and trying to put a little away in savings while we're at it!

Well folks, magic number is $290/month. Does it sound that hard to feed a family of four on $290/month? It doesn't sound that bad. But looking over our expenses for 2010 thus far, we had been spending and average of $600/month on groceries. So, does it sound so hard to cut your food budget in half? Yes! That is a major change of lifestyle for us. I guess we just like to eat.


But what are necessities? Is dishwasher soap a necessity for people of my generation? Or do we have the patience to wash dishes by hand if need be? Do you have the determination to make powdered milk and homemade bread? What do you break your budget for that you absolutely cannot live without?

I'll answer that. Dish soap, homemade bread, powdered milk I can handle. But I've already learned that diapers must be in the budget because I cannot live without those (I mean, I can't live with Samuel without those, and we've already decided to keep him.) And WiFi. I don't think I can live without that. What about you?

So here we are. Buying potatoes because they are dirt cheap, foregoing the $2.50 box of fruit snacks because that's a lot for processed sugar(!), finding ways to put zucchini in everything because they keep appearing in my backyard garden (okay, I know I planted them there, but there are just so many...), and the list goes on. I find myself keeping track of how much money I have left while I'm grocery shopping, and I'm asking myself, do I want to spent $4 on a can of french fried onions, or do I want to buy toilet paper?

To live on $290 a month, we absolutely had to make a dinner menu. I got the basic breakfast foods and lunchy type things, but planning out our dinners and getting only those ingredients made a huge difference on how much I spent at the grocery store. Plus, I am more organized each night at dinner time because I know what I'm making, and we have lots of leftovers (hence, I also planned a leftovers night!) My latest victory is that I finally mustered up the guts to price match at Walmart and probably saved $15 on 2-week's menu. Way to go me!

So, that's what's been on my mind lately. End of rant.

Feat for Four

About once every couple of years I get an itch to hike the Y. I keep forgetting how steep and uneventful a climb it is. To satisfy Leah's desire to "go on a mountain," and hearing her comment along the lines that a walk at Bridal Veil Falls isn't mountainous enough, I decided she needed to hike the Y, too.

We can see the Y from our house, and she agreed that it would be cool to go that high. We got her some real walking shoes (with laces!) specifically for the trek. (And she wore those pink sketchers for 48 hours straight after getting them). We had countless conversations about how it would be hard, but that we would keep going. We are trying to teach her the idea of working hard to accomplish a goal. As for me, I am trying to train myself that having little kids doesn’t have to stop me from doing hard and adventurous things like this.

Well, Memorial Day was the day that did not get rained out. Honestly, I thought we would turn around half way up. But we pushed ourselves and we encouraged Leah to push herself, and we made it all the way to the top! We had to pace her with a 30-second break at each switchback, but as we got close enough to see the Y, she renewed her excitement at being so close to our goal. Now she can look at the Y and know that she walked there!

Unfortunately, the kids were grumpy the whole way down and Chris had to carry Leah on his shoulders. I had Samuel in a too-small carrier on my back the whole way (30 extra pounds makes a big difference), and he fell asleep on the way down. I have to say going down was nearly as hard as going up as my legs were tired and shaky and I didn't have a lot of traction on the steep, dry dirt/gravel trail. I even got some war wounds-I turned my ankle and skinned my knee on the way down.

Here are some pictures to prove that we really did it! (Note the grumpy children hiking/not grumpy children eating ice cream)

Three quarters of the way up.

At the top.

Chris and Leah climbing on the rocks.

Chris rubbed his cone on his face, too. Happy Memorial Day!

The Bus Stop

The bus stop is in front of our house. And not just any bus stop, THE bus stop. As in, the only bus stop in the entire neighborhood for at least 4 schools. This means 4 schools x twice a day plus some later buses because of after-school programs. 7 am and 3 pm and busy times of day. Sometimes I have to wait for two or three buses just so I can get into my driveway. It's not really that big of a deal, except when the school-goers leave trash on my lawn or in my mailbox.

So at first, my kids were always so excited to see the buses coming and going all day. They would hear the tell-tale squeal of brakes and rush to the window and watch with wonder. And then do it again 10 minutes later. Well, after a year of this, its not so novel anymore. This morning during breakfast when we heard the school bus pull up, Leah announced "I'm not going to go look at the school buses anymore. I know what a school bus looks like."

Snippets, Inspired by Leah

Requested by Chris.

Yesterday Leah got some fingers smashed in a door, not too serious, but it did require an ice pack, which itself required smarties.

So today when she bonked her head, she announced she needed ice. Then on her way to the kitchen for ice, she pinched her finger. The poor girl was very sad and very much crying. I said "You just keep getting hurt today."

She responded tearfully, "I get hurt everyday." Then we put one icepack on her hand and one balanced on her head and her first question was "What kind of treat can I have while I have ice?" Sorry kid--just ice.

She's much better at playing off her owies and announcing "I'm okay...I'm tough" when it isn't already bedtime.

Oh, and she is already telling me ideas for what she wants to be for Halloween next year. One day she said she wanted to be Jessie again, and then it was Ariel. This will be a fun year...

And lastly, is it normal for parents to be brimming over with so much pride for their almost-4-year-old to say two lines into the microphone in sacrament meeting, and spend the other 45 minutes playing with the girl next to her, sticking out her tongue, signing random sign-language words, and giving us thumbs up throughout her first Primary Program?

Two Top Tens (Top Twenty?)

Happenings lately at our house:

1. Leah's cute new haircut. I had to convince my mother that it is appropriate for her to look like a sophisticated little girl rather than a toddler. After all, she's almost four, attends Preschool, and has been potty trained for over a year. The picture was taken at Jumpin' Jacks, an indoor playground with inflatable jumping things that we did as a family activity on Labor day (Which was a great hit with both kids and with our coupon, cost us less than $11!)

2. "I'm sorry Samuel, you just can't throw poopy diapers around."

3. Searching through the cereal cabinet: "Mom, do we have any more kid food?"

4. We differentiate tummy aches at our house by saying hungry tummy ache or potty tummy ache. One day on the way home from the gym, and with the promise of icy cold lemonade, Leah announced: "I have a lemonade tummy ache."

5. "Leah, that zucchini is food, not a toy. We have plenty of toys in the house--you don't need to play with vegetables."

6. Leah: "Mom, why do you love me?" Mom: "Because God gave you to me. Why do you love me?" Leah: "Because God gave you to me." *smile*

7. Today I realized something vitally important, and it took me 26 years to make this observation: while a watched pot may not boil very quickly, an empty pot will never boil at all.

8. "Mom, why do we have to go potty every day?"

9. Playing with her toy kitchen and stuffing a stuffed animal in the toy microwave, "I'm making a dog for lunch." I asked her if it was going to be a hot dog, and no, its just a dog.

10. And as we speak she totally zonked out on the couch next to me. I was just too involved in blogging to go put her to bed, so she put herself to bed!


And its been awhile since I blogged about Stampin' Up! Here are 10 good reasons why you should get stamping this month!

1. Holiday Mini catalog is live and wonderful! View the pdf here.

2. New product line: Build-a-Bear Workshop stamps, paper, and sizzix dies.

3. New product line: Design your own necklace charms.

4. Awesome new product that I want for Christmas: My Digital Studio. It is software for making scrapbook pages, cards, and more with Stampin' Up!'s exclusive colors, patterns, papers, stamped images, even SU! embellishments that look three-dimensional! It is a must have!

5. Hostess promotion through November 30: hold a workshop totaling $250 or more and receive any item in the Mini for $10! (excluding hostess sets and My Digital Studio)

6. Limited time offer: Decor Elements Growth Chart. It is only available until September 30! $24.95

7. Join me for a Workshop at my house on Thursday, September 17! It will be so fun! I will be giving out inkpads to those who bring a friend. Plus I'll be holding drawings for catalogs, merchandise, and retired stamp sets!

8. Hold a workshop with me in September or October and I will give you your choice of Designer Series Paper. That is a $10 value! Also, you'll get a free catalog and hostess benefits. See also number 5.

9. It's not too early to start thinking about your Holiday projects! Plan them and get started before October and November hit and you get even busier!

10. Help me reach my quarterly minimum by September 30 so that I can stay active as a Demonstrator!!! Visit my Demonstrator Business Website for more information or Shop Online now!

A Screeching Halt

Now that I am home from vacation, it is time to get back to reality. Since I have been away partying, not working, living without any semblance of routine, I've noticed that habits of the past few weeks are forcibly coming to a screeching halt.

• No more second helpings (or first, for that matter) of cheesecake, birthday cake, carrot cake, etc. You might notice my weight-loss tracker, which has gone up several pounds 0(super OUCH!!!) because I basically pigged out for 3 weeks and didn't get to kickboxing more than once in that time. Lets just face it: thighs don't lie.
• No more frivolous spending! Its time to crunch down and stick to a budget, lest we slowly (or quickly) eat away at our savings.
• My paychecks stopped coming. I guess they only pay me when I actually work. Time to get back to the grind. Don't get me wrong, I love my job. And amazingly, fall semester is just a mere two weeks away from starting. (And that means fall is close, with winter hot on its tail, which is depressing to think about...)
• No more staying up late being lazy. It's back to responsibility aside from just keeping my kids alive...I have to actually clean house, pay bills, make food, do laundry, water grass, get dressed before lunch, etc.
• Time to get back to blogging! I have several hundred pictures that I have taken in the past few weeks that need documenting. Stay tuned...

On callings and stealing

I got a calling today! I haven't had a calling since I was released as RS President in our last ward in November. Thankfully, I'm not RS Pres, and this is my first calling ever that is not in the Relief Society at all, and contrary to my biggest worries, it is not in Primary or Nursery either. I am the new Mia Maid Advisor! I am so excited to work with the Young Women (and maybe go to Girls' Camp next year, hence my post last week...)

Anyway, here is a talk I gave in May in our new ward on Virtue. I should have known it would get me a calling in the Young Women! (There is a particularly funny part about accidentally stealing a skirt, below with the **stars** , it could be a post all its own...)

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It hasn’t yet been ten years since I graduated from the Young Women’s program, but in that time two significant additions have been made to the Young Women’s theme. First to be added was the statement that we are preparing to “strengthen home and family” and the second and fairly recent is the addition of the eighth value, Virtue. It now reads:

'We are daughters of our Heavenly Father, who loves us, and we love Him. We will "stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places" (Mosiah 18:9) as we strive to live the Young Women values, which are: Faith, Divine Nature, Individual Worth, Knowledge, Choice and Accountability, Good Works, Integrity and Virtue.We believe as we come to accept and act upon these values, we will be prepared to strengthen home and family, make and keep sacred covenants, receive the ordinances of the temple, and enjoy the blessings of exaltation.'

It comes as no surprise to me that being prepared to strengthen home and family is something that requires virtue.

When I was given the subject of my talk for today, I knew immediately that the most recent General Young Women’s meeting would have been about virtue, having just added virtue as a Young Women value. The addresses from that meeting and from Sister Dalton’s address last October are the source of my talk. And while virtue is often something we think of only in the context of young women preparing for marriage, I hope today to discuss the quality as it relates to your life, man or woman, young or old.

'Virtue “is a pattern of thought and behavior based on high moral standards.” (Preach My Gospel (2004), 118) It encompasses chastity and moral purity. Virtue begins in the heart and in the mind. It is nurtured in the home. It is the accumulation of thousands of small decisions and actions. Virtue is a word we don’t hear often in today’s society, but the Latin root word virtus means strength. Virtuous women and men possess a quiet dignity and inner strength. They are confident because they are worthy to receive and be guided by the Holy Ghost.[i]'

It would not be possible to list comprehensively the influences that surround us requiring special attention to the value of Virtue. You know what they are. You know what you see and hear every day—around every corner. When you turn on the TV or the radio, do an internet search, peruse the magazine covers in the checkout line, watch a movie. There are so many things that represent low or no moral standards.

The Destroyer seeks to take advantage of this time in what Spencer W Kimball described as this, the great day of his power,[ii] so as covenant people, with the knowledge of the true and restored gospel of Jesus Christ, we are held to an even higher standard of righteousness. We must strive daily to exemplify virtuous attributes.

'What does it mean to return to virtue? We are calling for a return to moral purity and chastity. Virtue is purity. Virtue is chastity. The word virtue has also been defined as “integrity and moral excellence, power and strength” (Guide to the Scriptures, “Virtue,” at scriptures.lds.org; see also Luke 8:46). The core of a virtuous life is sexual purity, and yet this definition has almost been erased by the world. The prophet Mormon taught that chastity and virtue are “most dear and precious above all things” (Moroni 9:9). They go together. You cannot have one without the other, and “we believe in being … virtuous” (Articles of Faith 1:13).[iii]'

And let me add to that list that the price of a virtuous woman is far above rubies. Prov. 31: 10

'Virtue brings peace, strength of character, and happiness in this life. Our Heavenly Father knew that we would be faced with many choices and challenges, and virtuous living would prepare us to succeed.[iv]'

Purity. Chastity. Integrity. Moral excellence. Let me add to that Truth. These are high moral standards from which we must pattern our thoughts and behaviors.

As parents and leaders, it is our responsibility to teach children and youth the standards required for a virtuous life. Let us teach them how to identify righteous thoughts and behaviors and translate them into daily patterns, and ultimately a lifestyle of virtuous living. And let us be an example to them. Let us show them line upon line and precept upon precept.

Moral Purity. I’ll turn to the account of Joseph of Egypt and his encounter with Potiphar’s wife. Day by day, she cast her eyes upon Joseph and begged him to lie with her. Joseph knew it would be wickedness and a sin against God to do so, and he continually refused. Her last attempt to seduce him went like this: “12 And she caught him by his garment, saying, Lie with me: and he left his garment in her hand, and fled, and got him out.” (Genesis 39) I will never forget my 6am Seminary teacher’s animation as she demonstrated what it would be like to "get you out" of this type of situation.

I use this example to show that Joseph understood the moral values of virtue and chastity. He had been taught right principles, and it had become a pattern of living for him. Having already established the pattern of virtuous living, Joseph instinctively knew what the right choice would be when Potiphar’s wife was standing at the door luring him in.

Let me share a few personal examples of how certain standards were taught to me and how making them a pattern has blessed my life and given me strength.

When we were old enough to count to ten, my Dad started giving my siblings and me an allowance of ten pennies per week. It was in order to teach us the principle of tithing.
(1) I was taught the standard.
(2) It became a pattern.
(3) I always remember the action that is to be taken in order to live this principle.

Because the pattern is already established, there is never any question about how many pennies out of each dollar will go to tithing. When the temptation comes to pocket that money, and it does, it is confidently dismissed, with the reassurance from the Holy Ghost that I’ve made the right choice.

It is in this way that we can establish patterns for ourselves and teach them to our children.

****Another example. This week I indulged in some shopping at the mall. I tried on a couple of things, tossing each item on top of the stroller as I went. Then I went to the register to make my purchase, had a friendly conversation with the cashier, and went my way, not realizing that I had waltzed right out of the store with two skirts still sitting on top of my stroller. An hour later, as I was heading to my car, I looked down in horror to see the skirts unpaid on the stroller. My blood ran cold. The kids were tired and hungry and we were on the other side of the mall and so I sighed “What a pain” but there had been no question in my mind that they should be returned immediately and with a profuse apology. I am so glad that I had already established the pattern of honesty years before, so that in moments like this there would be no question as to the action that I should take.

It is in the moment of truth, in the moment of a test, that we act upon that knowledge we have and upon the standards that we wish to live. It begins with daily effort.

Elder Bednar said, “Small, steady, incremental spiritual improvements are the steps the Lord would have us take. Preparing to walk guiltless before God is one of the primary purposes of mortality and the pursuit of a lifetime; it does not result from sporadic spurts of intense spiritual activity.”[v]

Brothers and Sisters, choose now to establish good habits of prayer and scripture study and church attendance. Choose now to establish patterns of worship and temple worthiness. Choose now to establish patterns of chastity, honesty, integrity, and discipline. It is not too late. If you’ve gotten all the way to the parking lot, or all the way home, it is not too late to return the skirt. It’s not too late to walk out of an offensive movie. Or to dress modestly. It’s not too late to change your behavior towards another person, or to change the subject of conversation. It’s not too late. Choose today and every day what patterns you will establish so that in the moment of truth, you will have the Holy Spirit with you to guide you and strengthen you in making right choices.

Okay, the big question. What if you brought the skirt home and wore it out?

I turn to President Monson’s words: “If any has stumbled in [his or] her journey, there is a way back. The process is called repentance. Our Savior died to provide you and me that blessed gift. The path may be difficult, but the promise is real: “Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow.”6 “And I will remember [them] no more.”7”[vi]

'Remember, it is the cleansing power of the Atonement that makes it possible for us to be virtuous. We all make mistakes, but “because the Savior loves you and has given His life for you, you can repent. Repentance is an act of faith in Jesus Christ. … The Savior’s atoning sacrifice has made it possible for you to be forgiven of your sins. … Determine to partake worthily of the sacrament each week and fill your life with virtuous activities that will bring spiritual power. As you do this, you will grow stronger in your ability to resist temptation, keep the commandments [remain clean], and become more like Jesus Christ” (Young Women Personal Progress [insert, 2009], 3). [vii]'


Blessings of Living a Virtuous Life
When I was in high school, my parents had a spell of several years where on two separate occasions they were wrongfully accused, and another instance where they felt their prayers were not answered over a certain subject. It was a rough patch for them.

At times they felt alone. But they had not betrayed their standards or forgotten their covenants. Even though openly mocked and falsely accused, they knew they were in good standing with the Lord, and that the Lord trusted the decisions they would make. Through counseling with their Bishop, and through counseling with the Lord in prayer, they were reassured. It is by living virtuously day by day that we are able to withstand temptation and “the hail and mighty storm [that may] beat upon us”, (Helaman 5:12). It is then that our righteous patterns pull us through—we can receive the guidance of the Holy Ghost and strength and forgiveness from our Savior, Jesus Christ.

'As you climb, don’t allow yourself to descend into the willows. Stay high on the mountain. You are God’s precious daughters [and sons]! Because of the knowledge of our divine identity, everything must be different for us: our dress, our language, our priorities, and our focus. We must not seek guidance from the world, and if our true identity has been clouded by mistakes or sins, we can change. We can turn around and repent and return to virtue. We can climb above the willows. The Savior’s Atonement is for you and for me. He invites each of us to come unto Him.[ …] As you live a virtuous life, you will have the confidence, power, and strength necessary to climb. [ … ] As you grow and blossom, your personal purity will enable you to become a force for good and an influence for righteousness in the world. I truly believe that one virtuous young woman [or man], led by the Spirit, can change the world. [viii]'

[i] Elaine S. Dalton, “A Return to Virtue,” Ensign, Nov 2008, 78–80
[ii] Spencer W. Kimball, “The False Gods We Worship,” Tambuli, Aug 1977, 1
[iii] Elaine S. Dalton, “Come Let Us Go Up to the Mountain of the Lord,” Ensign, May 2009, 120–23
[iv] Mary N. Cook, “A Virtuous Life—Step by Step,” Ensign, May 2009, 117–19
[v] David A. Bednar, “Clean Hands and a Pure Heart,” Ensign, Nov 2007, 80-83
[vi] Thomas S. Monson, “May You Have Courage,” Ensign, May 2009, 123–27
[vii] Mary N. Cook, “A Virtuous Life—Step by Step,” Ensign, May 2009, 117–19
[viii] Elaine S. Dalton, “Come Let Us Go Up to the Mountain of the Lord,” Ensign, May 2009, 120–23