Muster

A year ago in July and August, I had a very difficult summer.  I had extreme anxiety and jitters, countered with extreme exhaustion.

On the one hand, I would be unable to hold still, with impulsive bursts of energy in which I would start painting a room or start driving cross-country at 10:30 at night.  On the other hand, I would completely crash in total exhaustion.   All my senses were on hyper-alert making me so anxious and paranoid that sometimes I was afraid to drive on the freeway at all.  Getting out of bed, going to work every day, attempting any activity that required any sort of exertion was totally daunting.  Being on constant high-alert, no matter how much sleep I got I could not manage to recharge my batteries.  

That summer we saw fireworks, I ran a 5K on the spur of the moment, we went on a 1600 mile road trip, I took the kids camping, I painted the basement, we entertained company, and more.  But all I remember was constantly having to muster energy hour by hour, and really just wanting to sleep all the time. We'd make plans for the evening, and I'd have to take a nap before I felt like I could go. It was kind of like the exhaustion I felt when I was newly pregnant, and I wasn't pregnant.  Combine that with the depression I was already experiencing--with a financially difficult year, moving, and two job changes--I felt like a total mess.

It wasn't until my sister and I compared notes on a new medication we had both tried that I connected the dots.  She had had similar side effects to my mania/exhaustion, and it was like a light-bulb turning on. In June I had started taking Abilify.  Abilify is a medication that is supposed to augment the effect of anti-depressant medications.  Instead, it had the effect on me of amplifying my anxiety and depression, and making me even less energized than my already low-energy self. The same thing had happened to my sister.

Flash-forward to this summer.  I also painted a room, saw fireworks, went hiking, went camping, spent time at the pool, and entertained company.  Yeah, I'm tired, but I feel much different. Looking at the stark contrast from last summer to this has been surprising. I've been able to enjoy family activities and work on projects without completely depleting myself.  I may not be the most energetic person to begin with, and I have had depression for a long time, but I feel more like myself now than I did a year ago.

I just keep looking back at last summer as lost time.  Everything that has happened this year seems to be defined by how it is different, and better, from last year.  My Abilify trial (and failure) has created a reference point for me.

Since then, I have found a good balance of medications that allows me to be functional, happy, and hopeful, and I feel a little bit like me!

July

Fun day at the zoo with Sorenson cousins. The kids were more interested in climbing on animal statues than look at actual live animals. Figures. Highlights included the bats, elephants, and giraffes. The kids always love going on the train and carousel.  They got to touch a turtle!

Spartan Warriors

Last Saturday was the much anticipated Spartan race!

Chris has been training for several months, including trail running, running with weights, running soaking wet, climbing, throwing, pull-ups, push-ups, burpees and more. The biggest challenge would be to do them all in the space of a few hours on a hilly, 12 mile course!   In all, Spartan is a test of endurance and strength.

Last year Chris did the Spartan for the first time with less preparation and a shoulder injury.  His goal this year was to be much faster and more physically fit. All his preparation definitely paid off and he completed the race an hour faster than last year's time, even with 90 penalty burpees!  (30 penalty burpees are required for each failed obstacle).  Obstacles included balancing posts, 6, 7, and 8 foot walls,  2 rope climbs, one of which was in the mud, tire flip, atlas ball carry, rolling down a mud hill underneath barbed wire and more. Obstacles he missed were the traverse wall, spear toss, and he fell off the monkey net.  It certainly helped that it was 80 degrees and not 100 like last time.

Chris had quite a cheerleading section!  Fellow fitness buffs Grandpa Joe and Grandma Debbie joined us from Florida. They accompanied Chris to the starting line early in the morning and followed him throughout the race, cheering him on and taking pictures and video. Our friend Ben also came to take pictures and lend support.

Lola and Great Lola also joined us from Washington to cheer him on.  Add Jenny and the kids and that's quite a crowd! 

Not only did Chris race, but Leah and Samuel were also able to participate in a Spartan kids race!  Their course was 1/2 a mile and included mud trenches, climbing walls, tire flipping, and a rope web. They loved it!  Their dad makes it a priority to "train" with them, so they are experienced in running, climbing, and parkour.  They especially loved jumping in the mud!

We founds some friends at the race!

It was quite a day, and we celebrated his successful completion with lunch at Tucanos and afternoon naps.

Big grins in the mud.

Climb, Leah, Climb!

Run, Leah, Run!

Medalists!

Bridal Veil Falls adventure

Friday we planned a family hike and picnic at Bridal Veil falls. I thought there was an actual hiking trail but there isn't. You can, however, boulder across the rocks directly up the falls!  I've always seen people climbing up and assumed they were crazy. Then I realized it looked like fun!

So Samuel and Leah and I decided to do it!  It was so much fun and very exhilarating. I haven't done anything that spontaneous and potentially dangerous in a loooong time.  And the kids were terrific companions!  They were excited to get a little wet and dirty (ok, a lot dirty) and they really enjoyed the challenge of climbing. They were fearless!  Samuel was quite the trailblazer and had a constant grin on his face the whole time.

We went up to the first major waterfall where others were actually playing in the cold water in their swimming suits and bare feet (ouch!).  It's was refreshing to stand in the spray after the exertion of climbing in the sun.  The kids were giddy. They were simply amazed at the view and to see how high we had climbed. It seemed a lot steeper looking down than it had going up.

There was a little anxiety on the way down, but everyone managed to keep their balance and their wits. No injuries!  Chris was patient with us as he stayed at the bottom with Audrey while the rest of us went up. Audrey enjoyed getting wet and muddy at the bottom in her skivvies!  

I got some pretty great pictures of our adventure. (This experience compares in daring-ness, filth, and exhilaration to when I went spelunking by myself at Eagle Cave in 10th grade-well not quite as filthy as that).  I need to go on more adventures like this!

Pinewood Derby Fun